SHUTDOWN FULLCAST 7.35: BE THE ALAN YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD

What kind of person do you want to be?

Do you want to be a Georgia fan, convinced that no matter how much logic and skill favor you, you still won't beat Florida, awash in irrational doubt and fear?

Do you want to be a TCU fan, confident that you'll avoid the mistakes Oklahoma made against Iowa State, and maybe overlooking danger in your future?

Do you want to be a UNC well no don't do that, that's a bad idea. Be an Arizona or Arizona State fan instead.

Better yet: BE AN ALAN. Alans are fun, often at the expense of their own safety and the happiness of those around them. Alans are self-destructive but know there's no other way. No, not all Alans are LSU fans. But all LSU fans are Alans. This is just science.

P.S. ALAN IS REAL AND HE IS AT LARGE.

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