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Central Florida v Houston
Photo by Richard Carson/Getty Images

It’s sometimes funny when coaches suit up like players. Ha-ha, there’s Bo Pelini in a uniform, looking like he could play two snaps before tearing something very important in his lower body. Hee-hee, there’s Sylvester Croom, lined up at defensive tackle in a Mississippi State practice in 2006, wearing a red cross jersey for laughs, and inspiring one of the more droll sequences of sentences in the history of daily practice reports.

Croom took a turn with the offensive line, his own old playing job, and ran a snap ‘blocking' Royce Blackledge. The starting center did not take advantage of the situation.

Normally, putting a washed, out-of-shape coach in uniform is a joke. Scott Frost is not a joke. Scott Frost is a former option QB at Nebraska. He was made in a lab, and then sent to another lab after Tom Osborne judged the first lab’s work to be lacking, and then so on and so on until Frost became the starter by burning down the lab and eating everyone in it. (That’s how Nebraska knew he was ready.)

He ran a 4.61 in college. That would be fast but not astronomically fast if he didn’t weigh 220 pounds as a starter at Nebraska, stand 6’3”, and be nursing the aftereffects of a serious knee injury suffered in high school. The knee injury was Thor’s’ way of keeping him humble. Thor is his uncle. It was cool, and Scott accepted it.

Even after that injury, Frost was capable of squatting 470 pounds as a quarterback. To be honest, he’s probably not much off that now. According to his players, he’s been seen in the weight room at UCF power cleaning 245 with ease and benching somewhere around 300 pounds for reps. According to a quick look at him, he looks like a Norwegian UDT diver who in his spare time hunts caribou with a spear.

Those are numbers and subjective mythical praise. If that isn’t enough to convince someone of Scott Frost’s caribou-wrestlin’ bonafides, please remember September 3rd, 2009. Chip Kelly’s first game as head coach at Oregon came against Boise State, ending in a disastrous 19-8 loss for the Ducks, and in a postgame discussion between Boise State defensive lineman Byron Hout and Oregon running back Legarrette Blount. Hout started the conversation; Blount ended it by cracking Hout in the jaw, knocking him slackjawed and unconscious in a single—let’s be honest here—breathtaking jab.

What man was capable of picking up Legarrette Blount and carrying away from the field, if not at time literally off that field?

AM I BEING DETAINED oh wait yes i am okay that’s fine please put me down when we get to the locker room

That’d be 2009’s wide receivers coach for the Oregon Ducks, Scott Frost, picking up LeGarrette Blount and hauling him off the field like a parent carrying a tantruming child out of the toy section.

Now watch Frost carrying the ball with both hands in that video from UCF practice and jabbing them in the air with each step. Get your terminology right, son. Don’t tell him he’s playing “scout” QB unless you want to catch one of those elbows in the head, and don’t for a second think he won’t give you one. For bonus points, suggest to him that the 1997 Michigan team would have beaten the 1997 Nebraska team. Do it! See what happens, we bet it will be fun.*

*Incredibly quick and violent