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BLATANT HOMERISM: TEXAS A&M

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NEW PERSON, SAME OLD MISTAKES

Texas A&M v Florida
WEIRD THIS HAPPENED AGAIN
Photo by Sam Greenwood/Getty Images
  1. Florida lost a close game where the offense came up short and the defense, stretched to the breaking point after a superb game, gave up a game-winning drive late.
  2. You could have picked up that ice, but you kicked it under the fridge.
  3. Florida’s quarterback had no time to throw, and received little protection from the run game in the second half once the opposing defense realized they could tee off on the run without worrying about repercussions through the air.
  4. The gym was on the schedule, but that seemed like a lot today. You better just rest and eat this entire box of Triscuits on the couch, because that might be what your body needs most right now.
  5. Mounting injuries and suspensions have crippled the depth on the team. Recruiting, while good, is not great, and certainly not great enough to keep up with rivals rampaging through your territory taking good prospects from right under your nose. No one seems to like the way this team plays football, even when losing.
  6. Saving ten percent of your salary is pretty sensible...but buying a Nintendo Switch and three games to play with it this month is just self-care, right? And self-care is so important, especially in this particularly stressful time in our nation’s history.
  7. This is a young team and an inexperienced Florida team. Yet, despite that, there is no confidence in the ability of those running the program to do anything measurable or substantive with that experience. After three years, there is still nothing like a starting quarterback on the way, nothing like a solid, balanced, and effective offensive line. There are flashes of development from the wide receivers, but no consistent breakout performances. The running backs might be good, and have been good in spots, but spend a lot of time figuring out how to avoid an onrushing tackler in the backfield. There are tight ends on the roster who can catch the ball, in theory—-good ones. Theory is all they have right now to prove they exist.
  8. That book you were going to write really needs some time to just, yanno, digest in your head. Same for adding onto the house. Just let it simmer, because big projects are like a good stew. You’ll never finish the entire pot, and probably just let it go bad on the stove after you cover it and forget it’s there overnight.
  9. Even if all the various parts of the Florida offense came together, there is little indication that offense would work all that well. It’s predictable. It sometimes nonsensically calls for tiny slot receivers to block much larger players. It feels less like an attack and more like a continual fumbling mitigation of weaknesses that only makes the offense weaker in practice by telling them how obviously weak they are. This offense at its best right now is duct tape around a sagging bumper: It fixes something, but also calls attention to just how obviously broken the machine is.
  10. You’ll get to the doctor next year, everything’s probably fine.
  11. Nothing has changed, right down to the way things will probably change at Florida. Given no evidence this staff is above replacement variance—a ten win season here and then, a 4-8 here, a whole lot of 9-4 and losses to rivals in between—The Tuberville Death Spiral kicks in. A sacrificial coordinator will be fired, most likely offensive coordinator Doug Nussmeier. A new recruiting class will be held together. A new coordinator will be hired, and the head coach will officially be on notice. The new coordinator will not have enough time in a single season to bail out the head coach, everyone will get their buyouts, and this cycle will start all over again.
  12. Today was a shitshow, but there’s always tomorrow, and you’ll totally get it together then. Not today, but definitely tomorrow.
  13. Kellen Mond had a great game, and could be really good if Texas A&M holds everything together and keeps him from getting too beat up. Also did you see a defensive tackle make the stop on Feleipe Franks on that long run? Aggies haven’t given up on shit in 2017. Neither has Florida, which is the hard part when you’re looking at this. This isn’t a bad football team, and they didn’t quit at all. They also are not a good football team. Everything in between is debatable except the score.
  14. TL;DR, typing this is so boring week to week so we’ll just play a song instead