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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/9/16

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HARBAUGH WILL TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF AND HAND YOU THIS FADE

VINCE STAPLES SAYS HARBAUGH WILL FIGHT YOU IN THE PARKING LOT OF AN IKEA

“There’s another Harbaugh, his brother. But he’s not HARBAUGH.”

“Is that a crew neck tucked INTO the...that’s some new swag.”

“I’m chillin’ with the homies. I’m shooting a video, on campus, cause we’re educated but we still wanna drop, yanno, the hot shit.”

[SHIRTLESS HARBAUGH PHOTO APPEARS]

“Yeah, he’s branded up locally, look like he gang bang. Somebody talking that ‘Fuck Michigan’ shit and he wasn’t going for it. Probably like the IKEA parking lot or something. “

This is a treasure, right down to “Fuck Andy Reid...he looks like he’s aggressive at the strip club, I’m not a fan of people like that.”

RELATED: Michigan recruit Bumper Pool.

Pool, Bumper

SO CHARLESTON SOUTHERN/FSU MIGHT START WITH A RUNNING CLOCK. The total number of players suspended for the Charleston Southern/FSU game was at 16, but according to a Facebook post by a CSU player though that number could be thirty, and no one seems to be absolutely certain what is happening at Charleston Southern prior to a certain but profitable beating at the hands of Florida State this Saturday.

That includes their coach, Jamey Chadwell, who earned a suspension from school officials for an infraction most schools laugh off, and the players, who seem to have been suspended for petty-ass NCAA rules violations by an overly zealous compliance officer. And maybe there’s a whole power struggle thing here between the administration and the football coach, because apparently there is no scrap of bone too small to fight over in this world, including the relatively tiny Charleston Southern football program?

Anyway they’re going to play this game with a running clock and should.

NORTHWESTERN, CITY OF DREAMS, CRADLE OF QUARTERBACKS. Sometimes the NFL seems like a weird afterlife for college players where they become the exact opposite of what you remember them being. This only confirms my theory that almost any quarterback can win ten games in the NFL, and that only ten quarterbacks alive at any given time can win more than fifty.

WE GOT 545,000 BEERS. The question isn’t whether VT and Tennessee can drink it all, it’s whether sad LSU fans will randomly show up to pick up the overflow upon hearing “there are 545,000 beers in one place.”

KLIFF KINGSBURY APPRECIATES A GOOD GOLF MASTERS SWEATER LIKE THE REST OF US. Reminder that prior to their game against Arizona State, Kliff was just over there watchin’ season two of Narcos, cause what else you gonna do in Lubbock? It can’t be all game tape. We mention this four day old news to remind you how funny it will be if Texas Tech still pastes Arizona State by a zillion points, and the camera flashes down to Kingsbury wearing a schlumpy sweater with a knot on it and smiling.

IT’S FRIDAY, FLEX SOME CHARITY. One of our people who helped us out in Myanmar is raising money with some punks to get kids in the country some books. This is not a slang term: we mean, like, literal punks in Yangon. Do you know the commitment it takes to get and keep your hair like that in that humidity? That alone is worth a donation, and that’s before you consider the conditions schools are operating under in the country. Throw them a few dollars.