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OPEN THREAD, THE FIRST FIRST

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JUST EASE INTO THIS SATURDAY

Holidaymakers Enjoy The Last Few Days Of The School Holidays Photo by Matt Cardy/Getty Images

Oh, hello there. How are you?

Had a nice breakfast? Good, good. You look refreshed! I can tell you’ve been drinking more water, it really shows in your skin. Work going well? That’s awesome, really awesome. Oh, your family looks great; that picture you put on Facebook the other day was really adorable. Middle school? Already? Wow, they really do grow up fast.

Anyways, you can kiss all that other shit goodbye. Football owns your Saturdays now. Your body’s going to adjust. It won’t be pretty, but you’ll make it.

Unless you’re a Temple fan, I guess.