We're down a pundit at EDSBS this week, as we work to secure the release of Ryan Nanni from his captors. In the meantime, we've had to pull in some extra help to preview this week's games. Up first this week on Thursday, we've got a potentially pivotal ACC cross-division matchup, with Atlantic Division co-favorite Clemson heading to Bobby Dodd Stadium to take on perennial bag-of-doorknobs-to-your-expectations Georgia Tech. Will the Tigers get caught looking ahead to next week's titanic matchup with #3 Louisville? Will the Yellowjackets climb their way closer to the rankings and show they've got what it takes for a Coastal Division title?
For more, we hand things over to guest correspondent, Guy Wearing Notre Dame Gear at a Sporting Event That Notre Dame Is Not In Any Way Involved In.
[long silence as we wait for him to start]
[he's staring off in the distance]
I know that girl over- [cups hands over mouth] YO, GINA. GINAAAAAAAAA. Psssh, whatever. Her loss.
We're here to talk about Clemson-Georgia Tech.
They both suck.
We're going to need you to elaborate.
They both suck ass.
The deal was 500 words.
I'll give you 500 words: The University of Notre F**kin' Dame Fighting Irish, bish. The Four Horsemen, baby! JOE F**KIN' MONTANA. How many is that?
[he vapes, thoughtfully]
I didn't know they made a Guinness-flavored vape.
My cousin brings it over straight from Ireland, tastes totally different than what you get here. You see this? [points to forearm tattoo] It's the Chinese symbol for "Ireland, Bitches".
That doesn't sound plausible.
I tell you what isn't "plausible", wad, is either of these teams beating Notre Dame.
To be clear, the Irish did lose to Clemson just last year.
Yeah, after the refs GAVE THEM that game, you think we're gonna get a fair game playing in Alabama?
They suck too. Spurrier ain't won shit in years.
No, I mean Clemson is in South Caro-
And Georgia, they ain't doin' shit this year after they ran off my dude Richt.
Right. F**kin' baller when my boy Stafford was there. AJ Green won me two of my fantasy leagues last year, we went to Vegas for the-
You're thinking of the University of Georgia, we're talking about Georgia Tech.
[blank stare] [vapes again]
They're two different universities.
I don't understand a f**kin' word you're sayin' to me right now.
They play in two entirely different conferences.
Conferences, man, that just shows how weak they are, both propped up on this $ECPN [ed. note: I can't explain how he pronounced the dollar sign in conversation, but he did] media bias. Nobody plays a tougher schedule than the Irish, 'cause we're a god damn INDEPENDENT. Just like me. I ain't letting some chick tie me down.
[the blank stare is now on our end]
People got all mad at Brian Kelly this week 'cause he liked a tweet or some shit about his assistant should be fired. You can't be all crazy about shit like that on the internet. Like I told Becky last week, you can't get mad about all those butts I liked on Instagram. I told you: *I didn't know you could see that*.
[rubbing bridge of nose] can we just get a prediction?
Irish are gonna win the f**kin' title.
[head in hands] for Clemson-Georgia Tech.
They're gonna watch the Irish win the f**kin' title.
[lying face-down on floor] Fine, how about instead, you preview Duke-Notre Dame.
My TEAMS, Coach K, baby! [goes up for high-five]