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SHUTDOWN FULLCAST 4:36: DEATH BY 1000 SLICES

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LAMAR JACKSON COMMANDS YOU TO EAT THE PIZZA

A walloping week three gets the appropriate treatment--i.e., telling everyone how they messed up real bad, and making numerous but still mandatory Papa John's jokes.

Topics:

  • How Florida State and Louisville looked even worse on paper than it did in person, and in person it looked like Lamar Jackson reinventing the game of football as we know it.
  • Putting a playoff together just using teams with two losses, because we are dumb and need to put Notre Dame, Oklahoma, and Ole Miss somewhere
  • Ohio State, this year's extremely bankable and steady team that produces capital dividends at a rate above inflation, huzzah, team of bankers and conservative investors
  • Why Michigan State is the paralyzing heavy Thanksgiving meal you can't digest
  • Alabama thanks the lord for government-subsidized high fructose corn syrup and amazing recruiting.
  • Auburn, meanwhile, is totally not going to hire Bobby Petrino or Art Briles, nope, please just tell yourself this won't happen
  • A segment where we just beg Oregon to get better on defense so Ryan can keep doing his Brady Hoke voice
  • Spencer reads off last year's Cal/Texas box score for like, a minute straight before realizing it

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