Folks, I've been around the block a little bit in my four-plus decades in the business. I've called the biggest sporting events in the world, won it all and lost it, and even kicked The Greek's ass -- miss you, Jimmy!. But the one thing I've never done is work an Olympics, which is why I'm so glad I have the opportunity to say to you now...
[badly mispronounced] Você está olhando ao vivo!
It's hotter than Talladega asphalt here in Rio, but it's our red-blooded American athletes that are really turning up the heat with their performance thus far. The water in the Olympic swimming pools may be cold, but pardner, the Americans are at a rolling boil. Michael Phelps is the old hombre on the swimming scene, but the man with more gold than my dear friend Curly is still swimming like a young buck. If I were Chad le Clos, the next place I'm swimming to is somewhere where no one will recognize me for a while and I can open a little tiki bar.
But how about Katie Ledecky? I mean, wow. She said she almost threw up underwater at the end of her gold medal swim on Tuesday, something I haven't seen since Jesse Palmer got a little loose the night before the Arkansas-Tennessee game last year. I suppose that's not too long. These are interesting times we live in, folks.
On a more serious note, I would like to offer my apologies for the story from the night of the Opening Ceremonies. We were tired, I'd had a little of the cachaca, and when DeAndre said he thought it was a spa, frankly, I believed him.
Now that that's out of the way, let's head out to the basketball court where the American men and women are serving notice to the world that folks, we're still at the top of the mountain. Australia gave us a good shot, but I don't think I'm the first person to say we're never going to lose a basketball game again. The only drama left was felt by my friends in the desert who just needed that last three to hit nylon. For entertainment purposes, of course.
Our gymnasts are still the cream of the crop, I'm sure you'll be surprised to hear. Another gold medal haul for our pint-sized powerhouses is in the books, and we're left to marvel at their amazing abilities. I haven't seen so much power in such a small size since my last visit to Tuscaloosa!
The talk ahead of the games here in Rio was all about the problems here made worse by the Olympics. And sure, there's still unbelievable amounts of corruption, decaying infrastructure, a public health crisis paired with a shrinking health care system, rampant crime, and horrifying amounts of pollution.
But what you don't see? Folks here have Olympic fever. People walking around with a bounce in their step and a song in their heart. I'm not sure what the song is because it's in Portuguese, which, I'm gonna say it, still sounds like Russian to me. Some people may not like that, but this old dog doesn't learn new tricks anymore.