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Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

Mike Gundy's hair has me truly alive for the first time in my life. It's got me blasting "Animal" by Def Leppard on the Pioneer system in a Pontiac Fiero while driving to a Rax for a sketchy roast beef sandwich. It has me wanting to spit dip juice off a pontoon boat while I ponder how to fish a Discman out of a lake. (Answer: bet your buddy Carolina Eddie a handle of Bacardi that he can't find it.) It's got me wearing a sleeveless Spuds MacKenzie t-shirt at the gym and only working out my upper body because these Wranglers are tight enough as is, and they have to look good for the Monsters of Rock show next month in Tulsa.

All machines with only bench as free weights? YOU BETCHA BUDDY.

This hair will make you put a 24 pack in the spot between the seats of your truck "just for drivin' around." This hair will make you so mad Roseanne Barr did that to our anthem. This hair plays "Country Boy Will Survive" when there's a friend in the car and "Faith" by George Michael when no one's around, because goddamn if that man doesn't sing like an angel and move your heart. This hair saw They Live and still thinks Roddy Piper and Keith David had the best fight scene ever, and that that movie made some pretty good political points, too.

That hair owns so many laserdiscs, because that's the medium of the future.

That hair bought a saxophone at the pawn shop. Gonna learn the solo from Baker Street and play it at your wedding, because that's a REAL present.

That hair broke your above ground pool by drunkenly diving onto the side of it.

That hair has accepted Jesus Christ as its lord and savior on Sunday, but still pledges allegiance to Judas Priest on Saturday night.