A COLLEGE FOOTBALL BLOGGER PONDERS OFFSEASON CONTENT

A college football blogger sits down to create a piece of content. It's mid-summer, and absolutely nothing is happening. Like, abso-god damn-lutely nothing. However, despite the lack of good source material on which to base that extremely good sharable online content, the gaping maw of the internet demands its sustenance all the same.

Alright, time to figure something out. What's happening right now... Bunch of recruiting stuff. Team previews. People are starting to make predictions, I guess. Man, this sucks. There's nothing happening right now, and that's kind of a good thing. If anything really noteworthy happened right now anyway, there's a 99.9% chance it would be bad and extremely not fun to write about. Guh.

Okay, what about... college football teams as Game of Thrones houses? Lord, take me now. I mean, people would click, but I'm not sure I want whatever remains of my soul to see that day. Ha ha wow Alabama as the Lannisters, you did it again! No. I have my pride.

Harry Potter jokes got a little more heat recently post-Brexit. I don't know, I already made a Brexit joke in the past few weeks, I don't think I can go back to that well. Also, not sure there's quite enough there to bas an entire post on the phrase "Nigel Farage inept university president lookin' ass".

Nick Saban is short.

Man, remember when Diddy went at UCLA's strength coach with a damned kettlebell? I could really use a story like that right now. We talked about that a ton, and I still don't think we talked about it nearly enough. Diddy. A kettlebell. THE STRENGTH COACH. You have to be completely detached from reality to go at a strength coach. These dudes sleep hanging from the ceiling like bats so they can work on their core, and Sean still went at him.

@CoqBIock @SBNationCFB @nick_pants @SBNation pic.twitter.com/zwWhTUvcJ6

— Sports Genius (@Dan_Lamma) June 30, 2016

Siri, find me a list of recruits who have famous parents so I can make the internet feel both the warmth of nostalgia and the creeping specter of old age. No, I don't to search the web for it, I want you to bring it to me. Recruits. Recruits with famous parents. Famous dads. UGHHHHH. Siri, you're full of shit.

I could do something that has nothing to do with football at all. I mean, I've joked on our embarrassing past musical tastes and the like, people like to tell funny stories in the comments and on Twitter. I don't want to hit that too often, though, and I really don't want to break that glass unless there really is no other viable option. I mean, like a week night where there really is just jack shit happening at the end of, oh, June or something. I'll put it on the back burner.

Gets up and does a load of laundry

Okay, what about... What about... Lord, I don't know. Maybe I'll just talk myself into Nebraska or something.