Most of the Every Day Should Be Saturday crew is busy this week, between vacations, moving, and four-day bath salt trips, so we've had to
scrape the bottom of the barrel bring in some guest correspondents again to carry the load. Here to weigh in on all the exciting news in college football that tends to break around Memorial Day weekend, we've got: A Baby Learning To Eat Solid Foods and A Dog Who Just Ate A Bee.
actioncookbook: Thank you both for joining us again, I know you've both got busy holiday schedules
BABY: [just freakin' hucks some mac and cheese across the room, cackles]
actioncookbook: Please don't do that.
BABY: [makes direct eye contact, lifts second handful of food]
actioncookbook: Please respect me.
BABY: [maintains eye contact, hurls food at wall] [food strikes portrait of me, knocking it off wall and directly into trash can]
actioncookbook: I'm not owned
[the trash can bursts into flames]
actioncookbook: I'm not owned.
DOG: hey can we talk for a second
actioncookbook: Ah, yes, Holly, let's start with you instead, you're usually the more talkative and opinionated member of our panel. So, the offseason took a shocking turn this past week, when perennial-of-late power program Baylor was rocked by a scandal that deposed head coach Art Bri-
DOG: listen shut up a second
actioncookbook: wait what the hell happened to your face
DOG: look let's not focus on what happened or who ate what, but I would like to go to the vet right now
actioncookbook: But Holly, you hate the vet.
DOG: I don't like you much either, but here we are still talking and not loading me into the car, so
actioncookbook: c'mon now
DOG: lookin' like a dentist dressed up as a tax lawyer for Halloween lookin' ass
actioncookbook: you promised you wouldn't do this again
DOG: lookin' like you're stressed because there's not enough room on the DVR for Bones and Criminal Minds ass face
actioncookbook: I'm a normal looking person, Holly
DOG: lookin' like you're marrying a high school acquaintance on Facebook and we're just happy they found someone lookin' ass face
DOG: lookin' like you've already got a spreadsheet working to plan next year's fantasy baseball draft even though it's May lookin' ass
actioncookbook: [closing laptop] It's hard to coordinate friends in your thirties.
DOG: lookin' like an experiment to see what Ted Mosby would look like if he were "a real person, and not TV attractive like Josh Radnor" lookin' ass
actioncookbook: [is struck in the face with a handful of peas] Just tell me what you did.
actioncookbook: It's going to be easier to get you help if you can just be honest about the problem.
DOG: We're not here to talk about the past, we're here to talk about the future of this program and what we can do going forward.
actioncookbook: Just tell me.
DOG: mistakes were made, but we're all human
actioncookbook: Technically incorrect, but-
DOG: I think Jim Grobe can keep Baylor in the playoff hunt, and this won't be the beginning of a harsh and stunning reversion to historical norms within the Big 12. I don't think that keeping on assistant coaches who may have been complicit in the malfeasance of Art Briles will present a lingering issue for the program, and they shouldn't have any problem maintaining course, even with the looming prospect of a historically-diminished Texas program returning to its norms.
actioncookbook: Did you eat a bee, Holly
DOG: [swelling further] I did what I thought was best for this household, this family, and the baby.
actioncookbook: you hate the baby. You've been avoiding him for months. You hide under the couch.
DOG: I think he's great. I've been a big proponent of him from the start. I always said, what this family needs is a new addition, it'll increase our visibility and competitiveness and position us well for the next few decades of success.
BABY: [drops piece of hot dog, on purpose]
DOG: [snatches up hot dog piece, tries to eat it, it falls out because her face is swollen] Everything is fine.
actioncookbook: It doesn't seem fine.
DOG: I think Maryland is a natural fit in the Big Ten and they are a rival of Penn State now. They said so.
actioncookbook: We'd better get you to the doctor.
DOG: I think Texas A&M will be fine this year, too.
actioncookbook: just try to get some rest