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AWWW YEAH, IT'S THE 1986 MICHIGAN-HAWAII GAME

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1986 was a magical time, except for the aging process.

"IN 1986 I WAS DOING THIS ALL MUCH BETTER AND LET ME TELL YOU WHY"
"IN 1986 I WAS DOING THIS ALL MUCH BETTER AND LET ME TELL YOU WHY"
Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

Michigan will begin its season by playing Hawaii in Michigan Stadium. But 30 years ago, they traveled to the University of Hawaii to play the final game of the season. Things were different then.

1. The lack of color differentiation and low quality in this video manages to blend yellow and white into a sort of "shiny ivory" color not traditionally found in nature. It is either very sunny on this day, or there has recently been some sort of nuclear holocaust. Either way, I'm into it.

2. It is interesting to note that there was a time in which Michigan would play Ohio State and then play another regular-season game, in December, like if you had to beat Soviet Russia and then head to some random stadium five timezones away to play New Zealand.

3. Also, there was a time in which the future was so bright we all had to wear shades when packing stuffed bears for our trips to go commit pass interference penalties. I don't know if this player committed pass interference penalties, but he's got that look. Like, "I am definitely not going to turn around and look for the ball on that third down bomb. I will instead look straight ahead and try to murder the wide receiver. I will enjoy this."

4. Jim Harbaugh looks older in this video than he looks in 2016. Everyone looks older in this video than they do in 2016. We were aging at terrifying speeds in 1986. I blame "Charles in Charge." Have you ever seen "Charles in Charge"? I would not leave Charles in charge of a glass of tepid water, let alone our days and our nights and our wrongs and our rights. We were leaving children with Scott Baio in 1986. No wonder we all looked old.

5. Airport security in 1986: just a metal detector and a long line. This reminds me of my major issue with "Home Alone," besides my other 20 major issues with "Home Alone": even in the early 1990s, no WAY you are getting on an international flight if you show up at O'Hare like, 10 minutes before boarding ends.

6. Bo Schembechler managed to look like Bo Schembechler for a remarkably long time. 1986 Bo looked like 1996 Bo who looked mostly like 2006 Bo. He seemed like a man who had a standard brand of underpants and reasons for that particular preference. I'm aware he likely never met LBJ but in my head they're sort of similar. Note that Bo spent the entire flight asleep, and probably fell asleep in mid conversation. "Like I'm always telling you, when the fullback---"

7. Shout out to you, Michigan player definitely holding a drink. That drink cost 3 dollars and is pretty much just gin.

8. I'm completely serious, no one has ever been older than a college football player in 1986. These are 18-22 year old men, and they all look like they have been carrying on a deeply passionate affair with your mom. No wonder she's seemed so happy lately. Good for her.

9. This game is difficult to watch, as all old games are difficult to watch, as there is no little scorebox telling you the down and distance or what the score is. Is it third down? First down? Have we all died? Who can possibly say? I cannot, as I am under 30 and require written directions. Give me as much information as humanly possible. Give me a yellow line where first down is and tell me how much time is left and then tell me everything is going to be okay. Thanks.

10. When people tell you they want to see "Schembechler-style" football they mean they want to see a football game that looks sort of like the Battle of Verdun. Typically, the people telling you this will have a carefully-guarded recipe for seven-layer dip. I have no problem with any of this.

11. 27-10 is the score of a game in which one team is much better than the other team but doesn't really want anyone to know it. Like, you score 3 touchdowns but then, "whoa, let's not get cocky."

12. 27-10 is kind of the most Michigan score of all.