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ALABAMA LET OLD MEN PLAY AGAINST THE VARSITY ONCE

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THIS HAPPENED BECAUSE NO ONE IN THE STATE OF ALABAMA CARES WHETHER THEY LIVE OR DIE

How. HOW. How is this legal or smart or even humane. Maybe you didn't click on the video, and we'd get that. We really do, since it seems so innocuous because look, it just says "Varsity vs. Alumni, Spring Game 1985," like how bad/interesting/incredibad can that be, really, from anything but an obscure football perspective."  You probably just cruised on by without looking, just like you did with like seven Facebook videos this morning.

It's a busy internet and we get that but THIS IS A VIDEO OF A FORTY YEAR OLD KENNY STABLER EXPOSING HIMSELF TO HARM AT THE HANDS OF COLLEGE ATHLETES IN PEAK SHAPE. This was a thing people let happen without hesitation in the 20th century, like it wasn't going to result in pain, humiliation, and definite rupture of important and unsalvageable ligaments and tendons. People watched this, and did not call the police.

Highlights include:

  • Re: Cornelius Bennett sacking Kenny Stabler:  "I don't know who was supposed to block Cornelius, but he wisely avoided him."
  • The refs openly calling flags on the varsity to give the alumni cheap yardage
  • Mike Shula looking...well, looking pretty much the same as he looks now, really
  • Listen there's a straight I-formation fullback dive at 26:30 that's like watching the T-Rex escape its pen in Jurassic Park
  • This coming out of the mouth of the announcers on the alumni almost completing a long pass against a varsity corner: "Can you see him getting beat deep by a 35 year old flanker?"
  • 27:57: "I got down on my knees and prayed for the older guys."
  • 28:30: "What are you doing calling your own number?" "Well it just goes to show you what they were saying all those years was true, I have a very low IQ."
  • Perkins: "We had one guy here with a cracked nose, and he was in hog heaven, blood was runnin' down his nose."

No one died, sore backsides, old men probably cried, hernias did ride, Roll Tide. (HT: Mr. Pelican Pants)

p.s. BEHOLD THESE SWAG-ASS ALABAMA AS HELL SHIRTS.

SHIRTS