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BETTER KNOW A TEXAS TECH FAN

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YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE LIKE, PROBABLY, BUT THAT'S FINE WE'RE HERE TO HELP

Michael C. Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

This offseason, we're reaching out to fans of various college football programs with one goal in mind: to dispel with (or, in some cases, confirm) our preconceived notions of what that fanbase is like and come up with new and exciting ways to make them angry in the future. Next up: Brice Paterik, Texas Tech Red Raiders fan and wheat tortilla partisan.

What's the most inaccurate stereotype of Texas Tech fans?

Most people when they think about Texas Tech immediately think "oh, those assholes." While the Jones (Jones AT&T Stadium) is rowdy as hell, the city of Lubbock is full of some of the nicest folks around. When it comes to Tech football lots of us turn into giant assholes, but once you drop 70 on us we turn back into the humble hospitable southerners our mommas raised us to be. If you come to Lubbock during not football season, and I don't know why you'd do this, it is one of the most welcoming cities in the country.

What stereotype should we be mocking instead?

We are infamous for our obsession with tortillas. The header in the Viva the Matadors slack channel is "we worship tortillas as our gods." This fanbase's obsession with throwing tortillas as offerings to the football gods is something you have to experience in person to fully comprehend. It's honestly one of the dumbest things we do and you should definitely make fun of us for it.

If you want to sucker them into thinking you genuinely care ask them about proper throwing technique as well as the aerodynamic differences between corn and flour tortillas.

Spoiler alert: if they say they throw corn tortillas they're out of their gotdang mind and should immediately disaffiliate from the university. Corn tortillas and the people who throw them are trash.

If a Texas Tech fan has to be roommates with a fan of another team, which one are they most likely to get along with?

Even though we have some sort of beef with most schools in the surrounding area, I'd say bunking with an Oklahoma State fan wouldn't be too bad. Both schools are little brothers in their states, we both hate Texas and OU, and neither of us can stand TCU or Baylor being relevant. Similarities between these two schools actually run pretty deep. We say guns up, they also say guns up. We chant Raider Power while they chant Orange Power. Our coach yells about whooping Bert's ass and their coach yells about being a 40 year old man. As long as we aren't shacked up in a room with a fan from another Texas school or OU we could survive. If saddled with a Longhorn roommate within three days fisticuffs will be had when the Red Raider fan brings up 2008 and Michael Crabtree.

What's the worst subsection of your fans?

Tech fans who don't realize the appropriate context in which to be an asshole are the worst subsection of fans. Since Texas Tech is way out in Lubbock, most of the fan base stays in west Texas, not to be confused with West, Texas because there is a big difference. Because of this the number of Tech fans that spread out across the country is limited. Those fans that do leave west Texas, as combover connoisseur Donald Trump would say, are not always the best and brightest. You let a couple of douches get loose and suddenly the entire fan base gets labeled as douches. While there is a time and place to get buck wild someone needs to kindly let those folks know that it is not all day e'ery day.

What is a Texas Tech fan's most delusional but firmly held belief?

There are a few of these but the one that encompasses them all is the belief that Texas Tech is a couple of lucky breaks away from being on the level of Texas or A&M. The first reason why this can never be true is because of Lubbock. The city of Lubbock is out quite literally in the middle of nowhere. It's a five hour drive from Dallas during which the biggest thing you pass is Abilene and a couple wild packs of tumbleweeds.

The nearest "city" is Midland. You have never been to Midland. I have never been to Midland. Neither of us are missing out and if you're from Midland you know all too well how right I am. Very few top recruits want to spend four to five years so far removed from civilized society.

Another huge reason we won't ever get to UT or A&M status is we won't ever get that kind of money. Both of those schools have 60,000 students and two of the most insanely vast alumni donations that Tech could never dream of matching. Tech fans need to understand our status in the conference, and the college football landscape, then leverage their expectations accordingly. If they want to glean any joy out of Texas Tech football this is what they must do. Most of us probably won't.

What is a Texas Tech fan's deepest fear?

Our deepest fears have come alive the last few years with the rise to power of Baylor and TCU. Texas Tech enjoyed their role of third fiddle in the state of Texas for many years. However with the rise of Baylor under Texas Tech alumnus Art Briles and the budding powerhouse of TCU, Texas Tech is at risk of becoming irrelevant in their own state. Even Houston is a program rising into the national spotlight. Texas Tech fans are terrified of falling deeper into the sinkhole of irrelevance while historically weaker programs take up Tech's chance to shine in the spotlight while UT and A&M are stumbling through "transitional periods."