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HOW GEORGIA IS THIS CRIME

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GOD GAVE YOU TWO LEGS, THAT YOU MIGHT SACRIFICE ONE FOR YOUR OWN AMUSEMENT

Daniel Shirey/Getty Images

Many, many of you saw the story about the Georgia man who packed a lawn mower with three pounds of explosives, aimed his gun at it, fired, and then learned that the answer to this word problem is "one blown-off leg." The question you raised was a simple one: how Georgia is this crime? As always, we measure that on the Stipe-Ping Pyramid of Georgianity.

Georgia Pyramid

Question 1: Was a vehicle involved?

That's a tricky question. This could have been a riding mower -- none of the reports I've read have specified the make or model -- but something feels incredibly incongruous about a Southerner intentionally detonating his own riding mower. (An enemy's mower is entirely up for grabs. YOU LOVED THAT HUSQVARNA MORE THAN YOU LOVED MY SISTER, MICHAEL, AND THAT'S WHY THE MARRIAGE FELL APART.) So let's assume this mower didn't have a saddle for the modern suburban cowboy.

However! I don't think it's a stretch to say that the kind of man who makes his own IED and shoots it for fun would also be the sort of person to strap a folding chair to a push mower and have a buddy tow him around the yard. So I'm willing to consider this something of a vehicle, to at least get us into lower Zaxby's territory.

Question 2: What's the perpetrator's name?

David Thomas Presley. As always, we rely on Chief Georgia Correspondent Jason Kirk for his analysis of this name's Georgian quality.

David Thomas Presley achieves only a 6/10 on the Jacob-Bryce-Hunter-Shooter Georgia Name Rubric. Including three first names is really the only standout Georgia feature of this entrant, as we should take care not to overstate its notes of Thomas Davis and David Pollack. They are faint notes. "Presley" is clearly more of a Tennessee trait, not a Georgia trait. The only other noteworthy Georgia Presley appears to be a controversial cocaine trafficking trial ... actually, that boosts this to a 7/10.

Thank you, Jason. That'll boost this crime right on up to the Croakies-Church cusp region.

Question 3: How was the perpetrator dressed, and what's his hair like?

Sadly, we don't know. Law enforcement hasn't released any photos of Mr. Presley. (We'll get to why that is in a bit.) This factor counts as an Incomplete and does not affect the final Stipe-Ping level in either direction.

Question 4: Are there any other circumstances we should be considering?

Yes.

The act of stuffing a lawn mower with legally acquired explosive material and shooting it at close range violates no law or ordinance in this jurisdiction. David forced the Sheriff's Office to admit this on Facebook and plead with the general public to not needlessly blow off their own limbs.

So this is really only a crime against good judgment, or self-preservation. It isn't a felony or misdemeanor, but it is the kind of thing you really, really wouldn't want your grandmother or clergyman to find out you did. And that's actually the most Georgia crime of all.

Question 4a: (Amended) Is this actually a big deal kind of thing to do, even for someone from Jacksonville, Florida who might have blown up a bit of Tannerite in his spare time, and who would discuss it via IM?

Spencer: they filmed it!

Friend of the Site @BurritoBrosShit: bro like you’re going to blow shit up and not record it?

S: yeah we were like "maybe he was mentally ill" and then they mentioned the camera

Friend of the Site @BurritoBrosShit: oh no way dude. as soon as I saw the headline that’s what I imagined. 30ft away. Hell last time I blew up 3lbs, I was 300 meters away. I’d have been more surprised if there wasn’t a camera

S: have you blown this shit up before?

Friend of the Site @BurritoBrosShit: bro cmon. all the time. they sell that shit at dick’s. it gets old after the first couple of times you do it tbh

S: can I quote you in our "how georgia is this crime" piece

Friend of the Site @BurritoBrosShit: sure

FINAL ASSESSMENT: Congratulations, David Thomas Presley. You went Herschel.