KING CAKE BABY BREAKS DOWN YOUR TEAM'S RECRUITING CLASS

[Scene: Studio desk at your local TV affiliate that covers your favorite college football team. The anchor, who is wearing a shirt, tie, blazer, and a pair of Chicago Bulls shorts, shuffles papers as a producer approaches.]

"One minute."

"Who's our guest tonight anyway? Usually I would've heard by now."

"Oh, it's uhhhh [flips hurriedly through papers on a clipboard]... King C-- wait a minute, King Cake Baby? That weird thing that shows up at Pelicans games?"

"You're joking, right?"

"I'm not, it looks like he's here now. Thirty seconds!"

(Via)

"...God damn it. I mean, maybe this will go better than the last time when Steve Spurrier made me cry on live television."

"THREE! TWO!"

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to College Football Tonight. As you know, National Signing Day was earlier this week, and joining us tonight to look at how the local boys did on Wednesday is King Cake Baby. Thanks for joining us tonight, KC. Let's get right down to it. What are your thoughts on this year's recruiting haul?"

(Via)

"Huh... Okay. Well, if you had to guess, which signee do you think has the best chance to make an impact right away?"

(Via)

"Whoa whoa, come on! I apologize to our viewers at home for what they've just seen, it does not reflect the values and tastes of those of us here at the station. Let's get this back on track. Who is the one recruit that got away that you think would've really put this class over the top?"

(Via)

[Looking over to producer, exasperated] "This guy isn't giving me anything at all, great booking."

[Gathers composure] "Looks like we've only got time for one more question. Hey, I mean you're just a very large and disturbing looking baby and all, but did you play ball in high school? I bet you were a wide receiver, weren't you."

(Via)

"Whoa! I won't mess with this guy! Well, uhhh, with that, I guess we'll wrap it up. Thanks for joining us tonight, King Cake Baby. Appreciated your, um, insights, as always."