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SIGNING DAY OPEN THREAD: IT'S EVERYONE'S CAKE DAY

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DECODING FOOTBALL CAKES ONE SCHOOL AT A TIME

Okay, first of all the Michigan cake is a sandwich cake. Cut it open and it's just full of Reubens. It's all Bo Schembechler ate on birthdays. Good health for Schembechler started with a Reuben, and what celebration would be complete without the full spectrum of nutrition a Reuben provides? "It has all the food groups: salted meat, salad dressing, a fermented weed of some sort, a odorous bread, and cheese. It's THE TEAM of sandwiches because it smells when it gets hot, just like a great football team."

This is a real Bo Schembechler quote, don't bother to look it up.

The Clemson cake is filled with Chick-Fil-A biscuits that look like the Shroud of Turin. If you want to turn away from Chick-Fil-A and the Lord, well, Miami's right there and they'll probably take you. Good luck struggling with Virginia.

The Florida cake? Well be sure to take it with water, and preferably with some food in your stomach. You'll want to eat a little at first, then a larger amount, and then cycle back down to a smaller slice. Eat three bites, then skip the fourth, if you will. You'll notice growth and ease of recovery increasing immediately, and most likely peaking somewhere around the middle of the fourth week. Warning: cake may have disturbing sexual side effects.

The Tennessee cake is just full of cigarettes. That's how you get them past the taxman.