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JIM HARBAUGH'S SPRING BREAK ITINERARY

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BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SPELL "GETTING ARRESTED AT A BEACH VOLLEYBALL TOURNAMENT/PUSHUP CONTEST" WITHOUT "GO BLUE"

Tim Fuller-USA TODAY Sports

As most of you may know by now, the Michigan football team is going to spend part of spring practice in Florida at IMG Academy. This is something that people have and will continue to be upset about, for whatever reason, but that's not why I'm here.

Jim Harbaugh may be a lunatic, but even lunatics need to get away from work from time to time. The mind, body, and spirit all need to be refreshed on occasion, even if going on Twitter to urge Kirby Smart to keep his name out his mouth will encourage the same effect. Since Harbaugh is going to be in Florida anyway, we've discovered he's planning on scooting up the gulf coast to Panama City for an intense 24 hour spring break rage.

That's right. The classic spring break routine. Suitcases of Natural Light. Mimicking a wild guitar lick anytime someone says "spring break". Getting into a fistfight while in line for a terrible bar. Being forcibly removed from a karaoke bar. The whole experience. Let's explore Coach's itinerary.

5 a.m.: Rise and press khaki swim trunks.

5:30 a.m.: Enjoy a vitality boosting breakfast of steel cut oats, a non-premium domestic lager, and 2-3 off-brand energy shots.

6:00 a.m.: Wait.

6:30 a.m.: Now that it's been over a half hour since eating, swim laps in unnervingly-warm hotel pool until vigor is optimized.

8:00 a.m.: Enjoy second breakfast consisting of extremely long Slim Jim and an additional lager.

8:30 a.m.: Run laps on the beach until 50 people start running with him and commit to becoming Great Men Of Virtue.

8:31 a.m.: BEER PONG!

Noon: Begin mental preparation for pushup contest

1 p.m.: Win pushup contest, then take moment with each other competitor to give them pointers on form and personal responsibility.

1:30 p.m.: Celebrate pushup contest victory by renting tandem bicycle with Jake Butt.

3:00 p.m.: Trek to La Vela with pushup contest entrants, all of whom are now best friends, brothers bound by fellowship, scholarship, and the pursuit of the greater good. They find none of those things at the self-styled largest club in the United States, so they make a quick retreat.

4:30 p.m.: Start to get tired of answering questions about why he's wearing a skintone swim trunks.

5:00 p.m.: An early dinner.

6:00 p.m.: A walk on the beach to aid digestion and contemplate methods of self-improvement.

6:30 p.m.: Head to the karaoke bar to beat the rush and really work on his catalog.

8:00 p.m.: Bed.