THE ALABAMA MEDIA ASKS WASHINGTON A FEW QUESTIONS

The questions Washington has gotten from the regional press in Atlanta prior to their matchup with Alabama in the Peach Bowl have been polite. They really have, they’ve just been so, so polite as they ask things like “tell us the hour of your death” and “what about watching the game tape makes you think you’ll last eight seconds before vaporizing into a cloud of blood and bone on the turf of the Georgia Dome.”

So to help the SEC media get through the next week without running out of questions for the strange, Western, and hopelessly doomed Huskies, we provide this handy list to keep y’all going.

Describe your insurance posture. Permanent life, or term?

You’re used to a 110 yard field, talk about adjusting to an American-sized playing surface.

Special teams are going to be crucial, Coach. Talk about getting in better position to punt on each series.

Washington legislators recently introduced a bill to allow fans to carry guns in stadiums. Explain for a minute why this wouldn't save you, either.

What kind of pressure do you feel representing the FCS against an FBS team?

Looking ahead to 2017, is Kirk Cousins still the answer at quarterback?

Do you feel like the protagonists of the 1998 classic Armageddon starring Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck, except without a nuclear device or hope?

How do you think you'll adjust to the speed of the pro game?

Transitively speaking, some people have said you already lost this matchup by 59 points. I don't have a question.

Marijuana's legal in Washington state. Who do you think Jesus would pull for in this game?

How far away do you think Coach Petersen is from earning the coveted spot of Alabama OC? Five years? Six?

How good do you think Alabama would be if they had three extra hours in the day like y’all do?

Do you know Ken Griffey, Jr.? Will you tell him that Bo Jackson could whoop his ass?

Washington hasn’t won a national title since 1991 under Don James. Coach James gave Nick Saban his first coaching job at Kent State. Why has Washington never given Coach Saban a ring for the credit he deserves for that ‘91 title, and the influence he had on James?

Seattle has excellent public transit with wheelchair accessibility. How do your players plan to take advantage of that on their return home?

A century ago, people thought horse diving was acceptable entertainment. Do you think our great grandchildren will look back on this game with the same confusion and shock?

Has your program looked into weight training?

What unique challenges does Alabama's defense pose, and how won't you meet them?

When you scheduled a home and home with Rutgers, was that a dropdown menu error?

How hard was it deciding whether to go to Washington or Kentucky?

Talk about the possibility of watching the first playoff victory in Georgia Dome history.

Are you aware that in practice, DJ Qualls played Jake Browning for the scout team quarterback?

After the 0-12 season, it took you eight seasons to get to the CFB Playoff, but Ty Willingham did it in six. Any explanation?

You lost to USC this season. Describe what that’s like for Alabama fans who are unfamiliar with the feeling.

When you watch Alabama on film, what stands out specifically as the exact moment you’ll die?

Do you take comfort knowing that your noncompetitive loss will infuriate thousands of Penn State fans?

Your offense has been so balanced. How do you plan to mix up fumbles and sacks in the gameplan, and keep the defense on their toes?

Coach Petersen, you engineered the greatest upset in the history of bowl season when your Boise team beat Oklahoma. What are your thoughts on why beating Oklahoma doesn’t mean anything, and losing to them in a bowl game means even less, and how that could happen to anyone, really?

Jake, you were a highly touted QB coming out of high school with NFL ambitions. Did you consider Alabama? No? Yeah that's about right, sorry, I'm sorry, next question.

Would you rather we call Washington a rowing school or a gambling scandal school?

The time difference is something a lot of Huskies players seem to be feeling here. Do you plan to have them nap throughout the day, or just during the third and fourth quarters along with the rest of America?

Bruce Lee was a famous Washington graduate. Which one of his movies will this game resemble: Fist of Fury, the Big Boss, or Enter the Draggin'?

Jake Locker was also a famous Washington graduate. Again, I have no question here.

ACTUAL EXCHANGE FROM A PEACH BOWL PRESS CONFERENCE THIS WEEK:

Q. For anyone who wants to comment, obviously, Alabama has this reputation for defense and what they've done under Coach Saban. What do you see when you look at them on film and, you know, sort of believe you can't move the ball against them no matter how good of an offense you have. What do you all see? Do you see vulnerabilities there you can take advantage of?

MYLES GASKIN: One more time? Can you say that again? I stopped focusing.