BARRY SWITZER PLAY-FAKED Y’ALL

On December 8th, 2016, former Oklahoma Sooners head coach Barry Switzer told reporters in the lobby of Trump Tower in New York City that he met with Donald Trump. They had a great meeting, per Switzer, who said that he was going to be his Secretary of Offense. Switzer then smiled, and walked out onto the streets of New York City.

On December 22nd, in a Politico article, Barry Switzer came out and admitted just how hard he got all of you.

"I told the reporters I had a great visit, and that we were going to make the wishbone great again," he said. "I told them I was going to be Secretary of Offense and that Trump knew how to run the ball down the field."

"Then I went back to my hotel and laughed my ass off," he said, still laughing this week. "It went everywhere. Everyone believed it. I had all these calls, but I was just jerking people around."

Switzer never met with Trump. He never had a meeting with Trump, or with anyone in the building. Switzer walked up the stairs, went to the Starbucks in Trump Tower, and then walked back down and out of the building. If someone was trying to fact-check this, they never got to Switzer, who probably hit “decline” on his phone while raiding the mini-bar and chuckling to himself. (If anyone ever tried to fact-check this at all.)

Rewind for a second, actually: Switzer didn’t even go in the building for Trump-ish reasons at all. Consider how we’re already down two levels into a certain insanity when the idea of Barry Switzer walking into Trump Tower and dropping in on the President-Elect is plausible. Now please know that the real reason Switzer walked over in the first place was because he “decided to walk into the Trump Tower lobby after seeing the Naked Cowboy”.

If you have retirement goals, let them be this: I plan to jerk people around a lot, and then retire to my hotel to laugh my ass off.