WE DEMAND AN ACC AUDIT

If you're an ACC fan, you're probably stunned by the recent bombshell out of Wake Forest. Oh, no, not the idea that someone so closely associated with a program would intentionally harm those close to him. Anyone who's shocked by that comes from way too normal of a family and will never earn my trust. No, it's the idea that other coaches in the conference had so little confidence in their own abilities that they thought they needed this edge against WAKE. That's unacceptable and, you have the right to demand some accountability here.

That's why we've put together this form letter you can send to your school's AD. This is the only way we're going to see who's providing real leadership and who's a cowardly fraud.

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Dear (ACC Athletic Director),

After hearing the disturbing news that a Wake Forest radio commentator and former player had leaked game plans on multiple occasions over the last three seasons, I'm asking you to provide (school mascot) fans with some clarity on whether our proud program played any part in this shameful betrayal of sportsmanship and honor. Transparency demands that you release a full financial audit of the football program and the personal finances of all coaches and staff members for 2014-2016.

[If you're writing to Virginia Tech, Virginia, Syracuse, Duke, or Boston College - the ACC schools that lost to Wake Forest since the start of the 2014 season - please use the following section]

In the event that audit conclusively reveals a coach or staff member acquired, or attempted to acquire, Wake Forest game plans, I hope you will take swift disciplinary action against those responsible. The idea that we stooped to this level and STILL lost to freaking Wake Forest is, frankly, making me physically ill. Please convince me and other (school mascot) fans that you are committed to either 1) fair play or 2) more effective cheating.

Should the audit show no evidence of wrongdoing, I will happily pledge $100 to a secret game plan purchase slush fund. I refuse to be too cheap to beat Wake Forest.

[If you're writing to any other ACC school, use this section instead.]

If the audit reveals a [team mascot] coach or staffer received Wake Forest game preparation details, further investigation is needed to determine what was done with that information. Did the staff only pay Wake Forest's mole five dollars to emphasize that Demon Deacon football is less valuable than a Blu-Ray copy of The Hunt For Red October? Did [head coach's name] hand the game plan to Dave Clawson before the game with a bunch of handwritten notes and suggestions while whispering "good first draft, junior?" Without those details, our team risks being labeled Scared of Wake Forest. 

If you do not find any wrongdoing, please let me know. I'm always happy to have more ammunition in the never-ending Internet war to prove that everything we achieve is clean and pure while every [team rival] success is the product of flagrant rulebreaking and amorality.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Fan

P.S. I expect you're also checking for leaks within our program; if so, don't hesitate to waterboard [assistant coach who's underperformed lately]. The way his unit plays I'm pretty sure he's intentionally sabotaging us already.