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SOME WORDS OF ELECTION DAY INSPIRATION

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FROM NOTED COLLEGE FOOTBALL FIGURES

Nation Goes To The Polls In Contentious Presidential Election Between Hillary Clinton And Donald Trump Photo by George Frey/Getty Images

CHARLIE STRONG: What’s special to me about presidential elections is they’re so rare. Most people get to vote in twelve, maybe thirteen in their entire lives. Now let’s say your candidate wins in seven of those. Hey, 7-5’s pretty good! The majority of your adult life, the country’s being run by someone you personally approved!

Oh, and that person gets four years, guaranteed, absent criminal charges. I think that’s a great model and one we should really use elsewhere.

MARK HELFRICH: Honestly, I find voting really stressful. You have two people running and I’m supposed to stop one of them? What? How?

BOB DAVIE: What a SPESHUL CHERDISHUN this is. The OPPERTERNERTY to INFLUYENCE the LURGESLATURVE and EXECYEWTERVE BURNCHES. Forget the Dallas Cowboys. The ELECTURUHT is TROOLY AMERICUH’S team.

MIKE LEACH: ...and of course, the Greeks used broken pottery bit as ballots, though those were most often used in questions of ostracizing a citizen. It’s an interesting practice that potentially has a lot of merit for modern t-

TOMMY TUBERVILLE: I’m only voting in House races; I’m not comfortable committing to something for more than two years.

BILL SNYDER: Voting’s an incredibly special experience for me. I’m still registered in Gallatin, Missouri, where my coaching career began, and I make it a point to go back and vote in person whenever there’s an election. It’s a small town, the kind of place where there’s only one polling location and everybody knows everybody else.

I show up five minutes before they open, and I bring a box of snickerdoodles for Doris. She’s been running things there as long as I can remember, and snickerdoodles are her favorite. Still, she makes me wait until the polls are officially open, and then she gives me my ballot and points me towards the booth.

When I vote, I take my time. Sure, I’ve researched the candidates and ballot initiatives beforehand, but I like to savor the experience. We’re so blessed to live in a time and a country where we can influence our own future like this. Why rush that opportunity?

Fourteen hours later, I walk out of that booth as the only person in Gallatin who managed to vote. That’s ball control, and it’s why those people call me Kingmaker.

WILL MUSCHAMP: (in handcuffs, sweating profusely) “Punch card” turned out to be a pretty fucking misleading term.