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KENTUCKY AND LOUISVILLE FANS DISCUSS THE GAME

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A REASONED AND RATIONAL DISCOURSE AT THE WORKPLACE ON MONDAY

KENTUCKY FAN: Wayllll look who it is, I wasn't even sure you were gonna show your face this mornin'. HOW ABOUT THEM CAYUTS, loser!

LOUISVILLE FAN: Yeah, congratulations on being stuck with Stoops another year, jerk. I guess if I hadn't seen seven wins in a decade I'd be celebrating too. You gonna get a Music City Bowl Participant shirt to go with your closet full of "34-0" shirts? Gotta make sure you have something nice to wear to your cousin's wedding. Especially since you're the groom and all.

KENTUCKY FAN: You know what, maybe I will get one. I can use it to patch up my car window after the next time I have to park in Louisville.

LOUISVILLE FAN: Farm equipment show ain't until February, sure you can keep your wife from eating it before then? Goats are trouble like that. Hey, hand me that tool, would ya?

KENTUCKY FAN: Maybe you can introduce me to someone new. Y'all got-

LOUISVILLE FAN: Don't do it.

KENTUCKY FAN: - the number for -

LOUISVILLE FAN: Don't do it.

KENTUCKY FAN: Y'ALL GOT THE NUMBER FOR KATINA

LOUISVILLE FAN: HERE WE GO. One assistant coach pulls some shit, and suddenly I'm hearin' it from a Cats fan, when Calipari basically invented cheating, and-

KENTUCKY FAN: Pitino sure perfected it, though. I ain't seen a Card finish that fast since your postseason hopes last year. And heck, Petrino's perfecting his technique, too. Last time he crashed this hard, he had a volleyball trainer and landed in a ditch. This year it's just Wake Forest's playbook and the Russell Athletic Bowl. Pick me up some shorts while you're down there, wouldja?

LOUISVILLE FAN: I don't think they make jorts. Anyways, y'all are in trouble next year, 'cause Lamar Jackson's comin' back and he knows the playbook better than ever.

KENTUCKY FAN: Oh yeah, hell of a playbook, too. Run it up against soft-ass ACC teams and crumble against the dang Big East. Y'all wouldn't win half your games in the SEC.

LOUISVILLE FAN: This crap again. Beat Missouri, Mississippi State, Vanderbilt and South Carolina and suddenly you think you're Alabama. Hey, you know who we do know how to beat? FLORIDA.

KENTUCKY FAN: Y'all beat Will Muschamp Florida, that ain't mean shit.

LOUISVILLE FAN: You still lost to them! Hey, move the flashlight a little higher.

KENTUCKY FAN: SEC schedule is a grind. Wouldn't win two games if y'all had to play it.

LOUISVILLE FAN: You see the Florida State game, pal? You see us runnin' it up on them? You ain't beat nobody like that. Lamar mighta won the Heisman in that game alone. Last time y'all had a big name win that big, it was Jared Lorenzen avoiding a copyright infringement suit.

KENTUCKY FAN: Y'all watch your mouth when you talk 'bout the Lefty.

LOUISVILLE FAN: Biggest success a Kentucky quarterback's had in my lifetime's getting drafted by the Cleveland Browns. Hell of a story, though. First couch to make it out of Lexington without bedbugs in a generation.

KENTUCKY FAN: Hey, man, the NFL draft is a crapshoot, you never know how someone's gonna pan out. Can you believe people thought Teddy Bridgewater was going to be too injury-prone to succeed in the NFL?

LOUISVILLE FAN: you son of a bitch Teddy is a sai-

[lights flood on]

LOUISVILLE FAN: SHIT THEY'RE BACK, RUN

INDIANA FAN: OH DAMMIT THEY'RE STEALING THE COPPER OUT OF OUR WALLS AGAIN, CALL THE COPS

KENTUCKY FAN [climbing out window, falling two stories to thornbushes below]: TOM CREAN KISSES HIS SON ON THE MOUTH

LOUISVILLE FAN: [stuck in chimney] IT'S TRUE