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SHUTDOWN FULLCAST 4.51: ASS WEEK BEGINS

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CHRIS PETERSEN: “LOOK AT ALL THIS ASS. IT’S ASSY”

Washington v Oregon Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images

The ass-ingest week of the college football season is here, and we are here to do two things: kick said ass, and chew bubble gum. And we are all out of bubble gum. Because we ate it. Because bubble gum is delicious, and something that tastes that good shouldn't be something you aren't supposed to eat.

Topics of interest for week eleven:

  • We're going to talk about football, because that's our job! Nothing else. At least, not much of anything else before we go about our business.
  • It's a less-than-luminous week on the slate, but USC/Washington is happening. Do you call all USC quarterbacks "Matt" by default? Spencer does, and it makes so much sense when you start remembering that everyone who has ever played QB for the Trojans is actually a secret Matt.
  • How Washington coach Chris Petersen's greatest asset as a coach is calling an offensive game like a complete dick. (He's fine, personally! But calling plays like he does? Total dick, which is what you want when you
  • Hey listen Will Muschamp has had success with a young QB before, it's just not fun to remember when you're yelling about "LOL MUSCHAMP." Oh, and a reminder that there is the real possibility that a kid who could be playing his senior season in high school might have to face Alabama in the SEC Championship Game! That should probably be illegal!
  • Arkansas also plays LSU in the week's only other matchup of ranked teams. One is ranked #24 and one is ranked #25 but that still technically means ranked in the weakest possible definition of ranked.
  • A proposal for Oregon to hire Hugh Freeze, the man least personally compatible with living in Eugene, Oregon and working for Phil Knight
  • SOMETHING'S GOT TO GIVE BECAUSE O-5 IN BIG TEN PLAY MICHIGAN STATE PLAYS 0-5 RUTGERS LET'S KICK THIS SHIT OFF AT NINE A.M. AND SEE HOW SOON WE CAN GET IT OVER WITH
  • Notre Dame is playing Army in San Antonio, for some reason?
  • Let Jason do his best Dana Holgorsen impression, which he describes as "drunk Shawn Michaels." A meal eaten at 1 a.m. still counts as breakfast.
  • Washington State/Cal is happening again so be prepared for seven hours of something sort of resembling football that will end in tears