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THE CURIOUS INDEX POLITELY CALLS A MAN COW EXCREMENT

HE COULD'VE JUST CALLED HIM THE TEXAS OFFENSE AHAHAHAHA ZAPPED.

By Peter Berkes
Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

JOHN SHARP, OFF THE TOP ROPE! Chip Brown, Texas message board ringleader and weekly Good Bull Hunting own recipient, spoke on some things happening at Texas A&M recently, further proving true the idea that if you want the closest coverage of either Texas or A&M, just follow someone that covers the other school. A&M chancellor John Sharp didn't take very kindly to the big mean internet man, and did a little speaking of his own.

You can read it all here, but I'll skip to the really good part.

"We respectfully suggest that Mr. Brown should consider sticking to covering UT football and leave reporting on Texas A&M to reporters who pay closer attention to the facts and who do not have some kind of personal axe to grind with John Sharp. In the meantime, we hereby nominate "Cowchip" Brown for sleaziest reporter in Texas, with full confidence he will win hands down."

COWCHIP AHAHAHAHA THAT'S ADORABLE! That's the sound of a highly-paid public official trying to get off some fire without actually saying something vulgar. I don't think anyone would've batted an eye if Sharp called him a piece of crap, but you can't say no to quality wordplay like COWCHIP.

You've tested positive for "Swing Pass", Aggies. Noel Mazzone is leaving UCLA to take over Texas A&M's offense. Bruin fans are not exactly sad to see him go.

Yeah but they all end the same. ESPN will be broadcasting the title game in 14 different ways, including:

  • Regular ass game
  • Coach's film room, which is legitimately great
  • Cool ranch
  • The "Finebaum Film Room", which will be Pawl, Tim Tebow, Booger McFarland and BERT playing grabass and taking calls from unhinged bizarros. I am simultaneously enthralled and repulsed.

ETC. At long last, a hoverboard (which still doesn't hover WHICH IS BULLSHIT, but whatever) that the manufacturer promises will not explode or catch on fire.

Until 2011, beer wasn't considered alcoholic by Russian law.