If you're on Twitter, you might have seen the startling discussion that arose yesterday between Georgia rapper B.o.B and pop-astrophysicist/Twitter pedant Neil Degrasse Tyson. (If you're not on Twitter: tell me how. My family is dying.)
In short, B.o.B is a flat-earth truther, and ol' Neil isn't about to sit around and let someone be wrong on the internet.
@bobatl Polaris is gone by 1.5 deg S. Latitude. You've never been south of Earth's Equator, or if so, you've never looked up.— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) January 25, 2016
You tell him, Neil! That'll settle that, and we can all move on with our Tuesdays [record scratch]
"Yeah so a rapper who says the world is flat made a diss track about a celebrity astrophysicist" â 2016 is weird https://t.co/KowxyPtlRo— Brian Floyd (@BrianMFloyd) January 26, 2016
Well then. B.o.B covers a lot of ground in that track, veering off from terribly-wrong-science into oblique Holocaust denial, so we'll just pull up stakes from there.
It got us thinking, though: in our modern, nerd-friendly world, with scientists now able to walk the streets confidently, who's going to be the next famous person to pick a fight with a popular figure in the scientific community? Could it be someone from the college football world? Would that work nicely as offseason filler? If I keep asking rhetorical questions will you just let me run with this?
Let's assess the candidates.
JIM HARBAUGH, MICHIGAN HEAD COACH
We've gotta get this one out of the way early. Jimmer's a little crazy around the edges, full of raging energy and errant enthusiasm. He's a wild card, and he's active on Twitter, too! Would we really be surprised if he decided to drop a diss track on Bill Nye tomorrow?
Nope. It's not happening. He's a lunatic, but he's a Michigan man first. Part of the image is an inflated sense of the superiority of their academics, and the Ghost of Bo wouldn't look kindly on Jim letting the world in on his actual beliefs on who built the pyramids. (Jim did.)
He's keeping it to himself, and maybe a sidebar with Judge Judy. She can know.
JOSH DOCTSON, FORMER TCU WR
The man's already dropped his diss track on physics, Neil, and it's his whole career to date.
Your move, nerd.
ODDS: 3/10 NEIL DON'T WANT THIS, NEIL SCARED
ROSS BJORK, OLE MISS AD
Right off the bat, I'm going to say, I don't think Ross Bjork harbors any crackpot scientific theories. He doesn't believe that the moon landing was staged, as far as I know, nor does he think that fluoride is put in our water for mind control.
All I'm saying is, if we're handicapping college football figures who're gonna fight someone? Well, maybe David Attenborough insinuated improprieties in Hugh Freeze's latest recruiting class.
And now Sir Attenborough's gonna get a real lesson in Life.
ODDS: 5/10 CROSS THAT POND AND SAY IT TO MY FACE, FRENCHIE
BIG RED, WESTERN KENTUCKY MASCOT
"Red isn't an actual species", they said.
"Dogs aren't food", they said.
"Some humans aren't actually liza-" they started to say, but it was too late.
ODDS: 9/10 THAT'S ONE WOKE BLOB
BILL SNYDER, KANSAS STATE HEAD COACH
Bill's not gonna fight with you over the Big Bang Theory. He was there, he knows what happened, and he wasn't terribly impressed. Now if you'll step aside, Poindexter, he's got a lump of primordial ooze he's gonna evolve into a starting defensive end by August.
The cosmic ballet... goes on.
ODDS: SON, SCIENCE IS JUST HARD WORK AND SHUTTIN' YOUR DARN MOUTH SOMETIMES