Today, the glory goes to Alabama, national champion for the fourth time in seven seasons and the best evidence that predestination is real and it's not looking good for you. Thousands of words will be written debating this dynasty's place in history, Nick Saban's rank amongst his coaching peers all time, and pointing out that Lane Kiffin's kind of good at this and we need to confront what that means for our future. (I am personally rooting for Lane Kiffin, UCLA Head Coach, because that is what will cause maximum angst.)
But we are not here to talk about Alabama -- or Clemson, who played a hell of a game and should not be filed away as "just another team that couldn't beat bama roll tide." No, we want to take this opportunity to acknowledge the teams that got nowhere near the National Championship but played an important role in this season all the same. That role? To fuck things up for others. These are the 2015 Floor Legos.
UCONN. You lost to Missouri in one of the most hilariously inept games of the year, Cincinnati beat you by 24 (the only other team they beat that badly was UCF, which, yeah), and you ended the season losing in St. Petersburg. But you handed Houston their sole loss of the year and prevented us from arguing in vain that they deserved playoff consideration, because the Committee was absolutely putting two loss Stanford in ahead of undefeated Houston, given the choice. So thanks for making Jeff Long's life a little easier.
GEORGIA TECH. One conference win this year. Say, who was that against?
I guarantee an FSU with its only loss to Clemson would have been posturing for a playoff spot. This game made that position indefensible. That's right, Georgia Tech: you finally found something the worst segment of FSU's fandom COULDN'T defend.
IOWA STATE. You didn't just keep Texas from being bowl eligible. You didn't just shut out the Longhorns. No, you did it after they'd won two games in a row, including a confidence-boosting victory against Oklahoma. You waited until Texas fans had hope again, Iowa State. And then you dropped the axe on their necks, you glorious dicks.
NORTHWESTERN. This one might seem a little mean, considering that the Wildcats got to ten wins for only the fourth time in school history this year. But when you cause a Stanford stumble so meaningful in its impotence that the Playoff Committee has to come up with circadian business jargon to talk around it, well, buddy, that's some excellent Floor Lego work.
OREGON. Let us not forget the other half of Stanford's demise. Oregon played three teams that finished the year ranked, and the only win they got effectively knocked the Pac-12 out of the playoff. Oregon does not need your fancy payout; they're good on money. But the Blood-N-Spite account can always use topping off.
ARKANSAS. Are you tired of us reminding you that an essential step in Alabama making it to the SEC Championship and therefore the Cotton Bowl and therefore the National Championship and therefore winning the title is this fucking symphony of glorious nonsense Arkansas pulled off against Ole Miss?
TOO BAD WE ARE NOT TIRED OF IT AND PROBABLY NEVER WILL BE.
SOUTH CAROLINA. The first game of the season was UNC's turnover-laden loss to South Carolina. If UNC wins that game, they potentially march into the ACC title game undefeated, and we then get to confront whether conference championship games are a hindrance instead of a help since that likely would have been a knockout game for the loser. College Football: everything is a potential argument!