It's been a rough start to the season for the Maryland Terrapins. A surprising loss to pesky MAC power Bowling Green in Week 2 was followed up by a brutal, score-settling beatdown at the hands of Dana Holgorsen's Mountaineers in Week 4. Their 2-2 start has them on the precipice of a potential tailspin, with their next three games against resurgent Michigan, #1 Ohio State, and historical archrival Penn State.
Fortunately, they have strong leadership to rely on, in head coach and Noted Dream-Haver Randy Edsall, who-
Maryland players cleared the air this morning in a players-only meeting that Randy Edsall didn't know about http://t.co/TGsPXfwWts— Josh Stirn (@Josh_Stirn) September 29, 2015
Okay, well maybe that just means he's fostered a culture of leadership there and has empowered the players to step up themselves, inspired by his wit, wisdom and-
[takes off glasses]
[rubs bridge of nose]
Randy, we've got eight more games to get through, could you... just... [sighs] [puts head on desk]
Alright, we've got to clear this up. [dials phone]
US: Hi, is Coach Edsall available?
RANDY EDSALL, picking up: You've had me, it's hello!
US: We... we didn't say... whatever, okay, Coach, this is Every Day Should Be Saturday, we wanted to reach out to you about comments you made after this week's loss to West Virginia, and...
EDSALL: This is about the Forrest Gump thing, isn't it?
US, relieved: Well, yes, actually.
EDSALL: Look, all I was trying to say is, "Stupid is or stupid does," you know? If you do a stupid thing, then it's done. If you don't, it's just stuck inside you, and then you're the stupid one, understand?
US: That makes absolutely no sense.
EDSALL: It's the foundation of our offense.
US: That makes a lot more sense. On that note, what adjustments do you expect to make to the passing game, as Maryland QBs currently lead the FBS in interceptions thrown?
EDSALL: I've been telling our QBs, it's like Tom Hanks said in The League, "don't cry over spilled baseballs." Now, obviously, we play football, I'm told, but I think that applies here as well.
US: It most certainly does not.
EDSALL: Did you ever see Jurassic Park?
US: Of course.
EDSALL: Life's gonna find ya.
US: That's not the line and you know it.
EDSALL: One way or another, it'll getcha getcha getcha getcha.
US: That's a Blondie song.
EDSALL, impressed: Well then, I'll have whatever you're having!
US: If you re-enact the rest of that scene I'm calling the cops.
EDSALL: Listen, forget it, Jake. When you're in Chinatown you're in Chinatown all the way.
US: I don't see how this addresses your defensive struggles at all.
EDSALL: That's from Big Trouble In Little China.
US: No it's not. It's not from anything.
EDSALL: Frank, you're dear to me, but I don't give a damn.
US: What we're trying to get at here, Coach, if we can refocus even briefly - are you concerned that your team is regressing this year? You had a promising start in your first year in the B1G, surprising a lot of skeptics by going 4-4 in conference play. This year you're looking rudderless so far, and with both Michigan and Indiana showing early improvement, the Big Ten East could be a tougher division. You might struggle to even make a bowl game at this rate. What do you have to say?
EDSALL: Every week is a chance to turn things around. Every game starts 0-0, that's what I try to impress on our players. Sure, we got beaten pretty badly last week, but you've got to put it behind you. It's a new week, a new game, and you start fresh.
US: That's surprisingly coherent, I sup-
EDSALL: It's like Lauren Bacall said in To Have And Have Not, once you put your lips together on that whistle, all you've gotta do is blow!
US, wearily: Well you've certainly got that part down.