clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

OPEN THREAD: FIRST SHIFT

New, 1006 comments

TESSITORTURERS WILL BE OPENING FOR LEE CORPSO ON THE "DEATH COMES TO YOUR CITY" TOUR THIS FALL

Near the end of Thursday night's POINTSORGY between Cincinnati and Memphis, with the score tied at 46, Memphis's Roderick Proctor appeared to have the ball stripped away by Bearcats defender and totally-not-fake-name-haver Mike Tyson.

The crucial turnover could've put Cincinnati in the position to win, or more likely, send the game to its logical conclusion: a six-overtime, 92-91 game that would've ended at 5am with everyone in the stadium dead.

And so, of course, the AAC officiating crew overturned the fumble, ruling that Proctor's knee was down, putting Memphis in position to claim a questionable, ill-gotten victory, which is also known as "Living The Dream of Memphis".

During the review, ESPN announcer Joe Tessitore reviewed the replay frame-by-frame, noting (correctly, I might add, and I'm totally not biased) that at the moment the ball was stripped you did not yet see "a convergence of the flesh and the shadow" between Proctor's knee and the turf below.

"A Convergence of the Flesh and the Shadow" is now the title of the debut album of my death metal band, "Tessitorturers".  Let's review other really weirdly metal ways you could phrase play calls!

Out of bounds: The Limbs Have Trangressed The Space of Combat

Targeting: The Malicious Intent of Destruction; My Skull Shall Vanquish Your Own

False Start: We Began Our Journey But The World Had Not, And Now We Pay

Holding: The Body In Motion Cannot Be Possessed; The Down Will Be Your Sacrifice

Facemask: Your Protection Will One Day Be Your Destruction

Thursday Night Football at the Liberty Bowl: Satisfaction Is The Death of Desire

Wide-right: Everything Dies One Day, Even Hope, And Also: #CollegeKickers

Rutgers-Kansas, starting right now: The Day Everything Is To Die Has Come