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THE CURIOUS INDEX IS RENTING AN APARTMENT WITH MEMPHIS-CINCINNATI

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WHAT DO YOU GET THE GAME THAT HAS IT ALL?

Justin Ford-USA TODAY Sports

EVERYTHING. Memphis and Cincinnati didn't so much play a football game last night, as much as they rented a cheap hotel room next to the Liberty Bowl, took their shirts off, and had themselves a damn brawl that spilled into every other room in the place. It was like the fight scene from They Live was rebooted as a football game.

Hayden Moore set a new school record for passing yardage in a game, and he played approximately three quarters. Gunner Kiel being carted off the field and taken to a local hospital after a vicious hit to the head is pretty scary, but everything seems to be at least not completely horrible, and he's moving his limbs and communicating with people. And while Moore was just beyond exceptional for the whole night, he also made this incredibly stupid play at the end to seal the loss for his team.

cincipick

Life has given you lemons, Hayden Moore. A big ass shipping container full of lemons that you parlayed into a lemonade empire, but that shipping container also crushed your house, so.

Did either team play a damn lick of defense? Not really, but that's fine. These teams are beautiful the way they are, and don't need you circling their problem areas with a sharpie while they're on national television.

Oh, you dick. Instead of doing the usual and just tying him to a railroad trestle, Sparky jumped on a Tempe Councilman's back, sending him back to the hospital just two months after back surgery. This is not what we had in mind when we discussed you going to chiropractor's school, Sparky.

I was actually saying "Uahh-go Gators". Jeb Bush, Presidential candidate and would-be sports opinion haver, is going with Tennessee to beat Florida this weekend? His reasoning for the pick was a series of sounds I can't quite figure out how to spell with our lettering system. And you know what, that's fine. Will Muschamp never learned to speak a language, and he's successfully parlayed that into the title of "Future Ex-Auburn Defensive Coordinator".

Etc.