THE CURIOUS INDEX URGES YOU TO STAY VIGILANT

RUTGERS MELTDOWN STATUS UPDATE. A bad and stupid season at Rutgers has become badder and stupider after Leonte Carroo, the team's leading receiver, had some level of involvement (evolving stories are fun!) in a fight that took place outside the football facility after the loss to Washington State on Saturday. It is now time for us to unveil a custom-made graphic.

This chart indicates relative levels of program tranquility. At the bottom is Bill Snyder, who has lived forever and seen everything and therefore understands that nothing is worth getting upset about. Above him is a live mascot, who always has the potential to go berserk and/or die suddenly, and so on all the way up to the most unstable a program can be: Notre Dame in a five loss year. For now, we're putting Rutgers squarely at a DAVE BRANDON. Stay vigilant.

EL ASSICO RESERVES ITS ENDORSEMENT FOR ONLY THE GRANDEST OF ASSES. Kevin Trahan went to the Trump tailgate before Iowa-Iowa State and this is a real quote he got:

"I don't (support Trump) at all. I just like trolling people. I'm drunk. I love trolling people."

Next time you accuse the Internet of being shitty, remember: it's all made of people, and people are the real problem.

LOUD NOISES. People have a range of opinions about Jim McElwain screaming at one of his players on the sideline, from "hey, that's shitty" to "GRR YOUR DAD RAISED YOU SOFT." We will offer only two thoughts. 1) Based on the reactions of several current and former players, what is normal in the football world is very different from what is normal outside of it. 2) If you're trying to reinforce that players need self-control on the field, abandoning self-control just off the field seems counterproductive.

THIS IS NOT HOW YOU LEAVE A PARTY. Two Utah players got shot but are expected to recover, and so far the reason for the shooting is...refused party entrance? I guess? Again, please don't bring your guns to a party. You can't drink guns. Stupid.

HOOK 'EM OFFSTAGE. It's probably not an awesome sign for Steve Patterson's future employment that Joe Jamail, one of Texas's biggest boosters, canceled his suite at Longhorns games this season. Steve Patterson would like to remind you that sending him a critical email will cost you $3.75 in processing.

WAIT, THAT JOE JAMAIL? Yes, that Joe Jamail.