THE CURIOUS INDEX SAYS STINGRAY IS BACK

STINGRAY BACK

That's a tractor in the back. Sure, it's loaded with water from a social media challenge no one's done in six months at least, but this is to let you know that Mississippi State football is here, it brought its tractor, and that Stingray didn't step to Youtube to mess around. No, he means it. He feels. He will live and die for this Youtube shit and for cowbells and for the DakAttack™ Heisman campaign and yes, for the Ice Bucket Challenge he's issuing like, at least a year late. Stingray ain't here to lose, y'all, and that's why he's back, yelling HAIL STATE from somewhere in a clearing in the woods at what appears to be, like, some time just after sunrise.

(Hope they bagged a deer immediately afterwards.)

(Edit: KNOW they bagged a deer immediately afterwards.)

NAPTIME WILL BE IN THE THIRD QUARTER; ARTS AND CRAFTS TO FOLLOW SNACK

#Gators offense has 17 freshmen/sophomores listed on its two-deep. Mercy.

— Bruce Feldman (@BruceFeldmanCFB) September 1, 2015

We mean...it'll be a shitshow, but it'll be one of those promising, amusing shitshows, like watching a toddler attempt to correctly draw an airplane, and realizing they put 35 jet engines on it because "that'll make it go faster."

FALL OUT BOY FORCIBLY RETIRED BY BRISTOL MUTINY. There is no Fall Out Boy on the official list of ESPN college football soundtrack songs, so by law two Imagine Dragons songs were substituted in its place. (That's a weird subclause of Sarbanes-Oxley, but a law is a law.) Never forget that the only reason you were subjected to "Centuries" for five months straight last year -- something the band even apologized for -- is because ESPN's music director likes them. That's it. There's no other reason. There's a man in a baby fedora in Bristol with a Fall Out Boy problem, and he dragged America along for the ride until even people at the network were like ENOUGH HELL NO STOP PLEASE DEAR GOD KEEP THE EMBARRASSING HAT JUST PUT DOWN THE FALL OUT BOY. Power is a great and sometimes embarrassing thing.

YES HE'S STILL ELIGIBLE. The one thing we got from reading this list was a reminder that you get to watch Scooby Wright III play college football this year, and maybe next when he goes for that seventh year senior waiver.

DAN WAS ACCURATELY INCORRECT TO AN AMAZING DEGREE. An instrument like Dan Rubenstein delivers pinpoint accuracy. It's in the wrong direction 53 out of 81 times, but still, it's a kind of accuracy.