clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL SAYS GO BACK TO KINDERGARTEN

New, 996 comments

SOMETIMES COLLEGE COACHING IS SCREAMING AT LARGE CHILDREN FOR LESS MONEY

Robert Hanashiro-USA TODAY Sports

Jim Mora at some point this past offseason couldn't hide anymore, and became the Official Least Likable Coach in the Pac 12. This is not his fault, as he was raised in the NFL from a very young age, and thus lacks the precious threads of humanity most of us have sewn into the fabric of our beings. He probably also believes Toradol is like Aleve, considers a torn ACL to be a matter of spiritual difficulty, and says "HE GETS IT" while never defining what "IT" is.

That's not unusual for a coach. They tend to be crazy people, and get crazier the higher up the chain of command one goes. What is unusual is ripping your quarterback in front of the media, and suggesting they go back to high school.

--"You can’t hit an open receiver down field with no defense."

--"The ‘Anointed One.’"

--"Go back to Bosco and beat some more [bad] teams."

Finally, Mora looked at the members of the media present and yelled, "Tell your readers that is why has not been named the starter."

NOW. Jim Mora is also very good at his job, and is probably the best UCLA coach in memory, and that includes Bob Toledo. (Apologies, Bob, but shit is harder now in every sense of the word, and you got to coach conference games against Paul Hackett and Ty Willingham.)

He is also yelling at his quarterback to go back to high school, a moment that has to make coaching in the NFL seem so much more palatable when you remember it at the end of the work day. I'm screaming at a high school kid when I could be pretending to watch film and waiting on a buyout from my deranged owner to come down the pipe. I'm yelling at a child for $3.6 million a year. Capitalism is great and I am screaming at a child for $3.6 million a year. Jeff Fisher is the smartest man on the planet because he makes $7 million a year to go .500 every year and grow a mustache. WHY AM I NOT DOING THAT, ASKS JIM MORA?

That's a really good question, Jim. That's such a good question, and so is "who will be the quarterback for your team?" Because here at three weeks before the season or so, UCLA, like Florida, Alabama, Michigan, Georgia, and LSU, has no starting quarterback yet. Good morning, and do not panic.