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DO NOT WATCH THIS GATORS-THEMED RAP VIDEO

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DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT WATCHING IT

Rob Foldy/Getty Images

1. I understand that Spencer and I probably have a reputation as fairly pessimistic Florida fans. We are less likely to find the hopeful angle on anything involving Gator football at this point in time. And, while I don't think that's entirely a function of our own inherent fatalism, it is a factor.

2. That said: what is this no don't come on please we don't you didn't have to oh goddamn this is the just shut down the entire athletic department except for baseball and gymnastics and volleyball

3. You might be wondering if "Lawyer Mike" is a practicing attorney. The answer is revealed (at least as of 2014) on lawyermike.net.

4. I really want to support people who have creative urges, even if they don't produce things that I particularly enjoy. The fact that you may not be the most talented in your field shouldn't disqualify you from expressing yourself. Something isn't objectively bad just because I, and probably lots of other people in this case, think it's shitty.

5. But DAMN LAWYER MIKE IT'S ALREADY BEEN STRESSFUL ENOUGH TO ROOT FOR THIS TEAM. YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS. YOU COULD HAVE RAPPED ABOUT YOUR TRIP TO HOME DEPOT TO BUY WOOD STAIN, OR THE BEST CHURCH PICNIC YOU EVER ATTENDED, OR THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT HORSES. YOU CHOSE TO GO OUT IN FRONT OF THE WORLD AND SAY "HELLO I AM HERE ON BEHALF OF UF AND WANT YOU TO ASSOCIATE ME WITH THE GATORS. THIS CAN'T POSSIBLY GO POORLY."

6. Florida's going 4-8 now. Go ahead, post the GIF of two Florida players blocking each other. It still won't be more frustrating than this music video.

(HT: @martinrickman)