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DEAR VERNON ADAMS: THESE ARE OUR TALES OF FINAL EXAM HORROR

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Today, Vernon Adams takes a final exam at Eastern Washington that will determine whether or not he can transfer to Oregon and start practicing with the Ducks and competing for the starting quarterback spot. This is an appropriate time to share our

I'll go first, even though you probably have a better story. The year was 2003, and the class was INR2001, Intro to International Relations. I have no strong memories of the class itself other than the professor was fine and a friend who took it with me showed up to lecture one day looking haggard and asked me "so...what's IN a Long Island Iced Tea?"

The final for this class was at 10 in the morning; the format was mostly multiple choice and short answer but the professor had cautioned us against taking it too lightly. So I decided to put in some extra study time the night before. The study spot I chose was my bed. The alarm that I set in case I fell asleep was [null set], because I definitely fell asleep and woke up at 10:10.

I have no recollection of whether I showered, changed clothes, or brushed my teeth. Best guess is no, yes, and I found two pieces of gum. Speeding and swearing, I parked in a lot (which I certainly didn't have the required decal for) across from the building where the exam was being held, sprinted in, and hoped I'd get lucky.

The professor probably would have been within his rights to just tell me "tough shit," since I didn't have any good excuse for being late and didn't bother trying to come up with an unconvincing lie. He did inform me that I couldn't take the final right then, because one person had already finished it and left. (Put aside the fact that we'd been warned not to underestimate an exam that apparently took one person 25 minutes to master.)

Instead, I got to wait for everyone else to finish, go with the professor to his office, and then take a final he came up with on the spot: all long essays, all while he watched. It was a wonderful lesson in setting, like, five fucking alarms when you have to be somewhere.

Oh, and don't study on your bed or anywhere else where you can easily fall asleep. IDIOT.

P.S. That final was still better than taking the bar exam, the only time in my life I've seriously considered breaking my dominant hand on purpose to get out of something.