Hi, friends. I've been writing for this site for a bit over a year now, and I think in that time I've developed my own voice and unique perspective on college football issues.
VOICE FROM BACK OF ROOM: WE LIKE PICTURES OF YOUR DOG
I've garnered widespread respect for my insight, wit and analytical -
ANOTHER VOICE: NOPE MOSTLY THE DOG PICTURES
- prowess, and I think college football fans know they can count on me to enlighten
CHORUS OF VOICES: YOU BARELY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT JUST GIVE US SOME DOG PHOTOS AND THEN GET OUT OF HERE
Yeah sure whatever it's August let's just do this.
Much like last year, I'm going to hand the floor over to Holly, my intransigent Welsh Corgi, for her take on the 2015 preseason Coaches Poll. Why is this dog qualified to talk about college football? Well, she's had a day of school, she likes rolling in garbage, and she once ate the bracket off an IKEA shelf that I was in the process of assembling. She's overqualified, is what I'm saying.
Let's hear what she has to say.
UNRANKED FAMILIAR FACES
Florida - "They've been stout on defense, but they just don't seem to know what they're doing when they've got the ball."
Penn State - "You've still gotta keep an eye on them. They've been out of view for a few years, but I think they'll be back soon."
Michigan - "Jim Harbaugh's got them talking the talk, but the question is, can they walk the walk?"
Texas - "Don't buy into Charlie Strong's team philosophy? There's the door."
Marshall - "They look like a behemoth in the box score, but their Conference USA schedule is just so shallow."
Nebraska - "They want to run with the big dogs in the B1G East, but they're sidelined with the also-rans in the West."
Texas A&M - "You think it's going to be like it was two years ago? I've got some bad news for you, my friend."
Cincinnati - "If their defense can give them anything, a prolific offense and a favorable schedule could make them a real sleeper choice for the Group of Five bowl bid."
Virginia Tech - "Beamer's built a legacy over the years, but I think it's fair to say they've been on the way down recently."
Mississippi State - "Ten wins out of the SEC West, a returning Heisman contender at QB, and they're unranked? Are you kidding me?"
THE PRESEASON COACHES' TOP 25
25. Tennessee - "It feels weird to see them up in this position, but well... here they are."
24. Boise State - "They're just going to do their thing every year, but it feels like they're more isolated than ever as the power conferences close ranks."
23. Missouri - "They've won the SEC East two years in a row, and while they might face tougher competition, I don't expect them to have much trouble with the Gators."
22. Arizona - "I'm glad Rich Rodriguez finally found a job that feels right, and I hope he holds onto it tight."
21. Stanford - "I'd talk about the negatives I see in Stanford's game, but I don't want to bark up the wrong tree."
20. Arkansas - "They're a strong, physical team, but is that division schedule going to weigh them down again?"
19. Oklahoma - "This shit again? Every year with this shit. No."
18. Wisconsin - "Hey, get a picture of me with all their points from the B1G Title Game."
17. Georgia Tech - "Win or lose, they're gonna put the wood to you and you're gonna be hurting on Sunday."
16. Arizona State - "Graham's really building something there, but can they get more grit on defense?"
15. Ole Miss - "I've got my bagman right here."
14. UCLA - "It's time to face the truth: they're not the little one in the SoCal game anymore. They've grown up and turned into the big dog in town."
11. Notre Dame - "This is me looking at their schedule and trying to find a route to ten wins."
10. Southern California - "They've reloaded, but you just can't help but find yourself waiting for the wheels to come off again."
9. Georgia - "Oh, look, we're discussing Georgia as a playoff contender."
8. Florida State - "They've been the big fish in the ACC for a while, but they're going to have to make sure they don't treat the rest of the Atlantic like a bunch of cupcakes."
7. Auburn - "Gus Malzahn offenses make me feel goooooood."
6. Michigan State - "One of the best ball-control teams in the country, and they keep sharp focus."
5. Oregon - "They dress well, if nothing else."
4. Baylor - "From a distance, they look like the real deal, but on closer inspection they're pretty soft."
3. Alabama - "Oh, another top 5 preseason ranking for Nick Saban."
2. TCU - "They found themselves longing for something tantalizingly just out of reach last year."
1. Ohio State - "Oh boy. We're all in a lot of trouble, aren't we."