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THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL NEEDS A NEW JOB

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I DON'T CARE IF THE BENEFITS ARE GOOD, I NEED TO LIVE GOD DAMN IT.

Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

As we stand on the precipice of another Fourth of July weekend, it's good to take a moment to take stock and remember what makes this country so great. Life, liberty, those Bed Bath & Beyond coupons that never expire, a blitzing linebacker coming free around the corner about to murderdeathkill a quarterback that doesn't see him coming. The list could go on forever, but let's focus one perhaps America's greatest natural resource outside fullbacks: Hard work.

Work sucks, but there's not much of a way around it. Hard work done well can provide a deep sense of personal satisfaction you can't get anywhere else. I do know where you aren't deriving that satisfaction, though, and that's that awful job you're working that you absolutely cannot wait to get away from. Maybe you have that job now. Maybe this job is haunting your future self. But more than likely, this ghastly job was one you had in the past and can now comfortably make jokes about.

This is a safe space, and in the interests of making everyone feel comfortable, I'll go first.

I was a telemarketer for my first job out of college. It was a big office and my coworkers were all pretty much in the same boat, so the camaraderie (see: weeknight drinking) was actually quite fun, but the actual job itself was pounding misery. I was there from about 2007-2009 and pitched financial services over the phone, so be my guest imagining how much fun I had after the stock market fell in the fucking toilet.

There were a few people there whose lizard brains were wired to handle that job, but they were the exceptions. Most people came into that job in their early to mid-20s and with a fairly healthy sense of self, but you could see the job slowly but surely wear people down and spit them out. Most people stayed for about a year before either catching a promotion lifeline or just quitting. Me? I stayed two years, somehow. Then I went to law school.

I'm better now.