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WHAT DOES 59 DOLLARS WORTH OF STOLEN BOWLING FOOD GET YOU IN GAINESVILLE?

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A CSI:EDSBS INVESTIGATION

This weekend we found out that two Florida football players, defensive tackle Caleb Brantley and running back Adam Lane, received misdemeanor citations for dining and dashing at a Gainesville bowling alley. Their damage? $42.34 and $16.93, respectively. (It should also be noted that the incident took place on July 4th, so it's possible this was an homage to the founding fathers. Give these chicken fingers liberty or give them watery barbecue sauce)

It's the kind of offseason college stupidity that Jim McElwain certainly wanted his players to avoid but probably won't be anything major in the long-term. But that will not stop CSI:EDSBS from doing the rough math to figure out exactly what these two consumed without payment. According to reports, both players were charged with not paying for "miscellaneous food items." Below is the menu for The Thirsty Gator, the bar and grill affiliated with the bowling alley in question.

BRANTLEY: To break the $40 mark, Brantley could have had any of the following permutations.

  • Loaded French fries with bacon bits ($11.50), 2 Meat Lovers pizzas ($30)
  • 50 wings ($40)
  • 4 BLTs ($20), Oreo sundae ($6), Blondie sundae ($6), chocolate chip brownie ($6), side salad ($4)
  • 3 orders of sliders ($24), Queso dippers ($8), fried mushrooms ($7), coffee ($1.50)
  • Supreme pizza ($14) with 27 extra toppings of black olives ($27)

LANE: A little over $16 can get you any of the below.

  • 10 wings ($10), onion rings ($7)
  • Potato skins ($8), chips and salsa ($5), large soda ($4)
  • Pick 4 ($13), Kids grilled cheese ($4)
  • Soft pretzel dippers ($7.50), Philly cheesesteak ($9)

As you can see, this crime is a sobering reminder to the rest of us: when you're in college, you can and do eat terrible, terrible things. I have to go lie down now and only eat celery for the rest of the day.