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FINDING COLLEGE FOOTBALL'S GREAT SNEAKERHEADS

COACH COACH AL DOT COM WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOOOOOSE?

By Peter Berkes

Our stance on SEC Media Days, and media days in general, are well documented in this space. However, there was one impactful non-Spurrier related item to come from Hoover this week:

Dan Mullen, a round-faced guy from Pennsylvania with a haircut from Delaware, who coaches in Starkville, rocking Yeezys. While wearing a pinstripe suit. My heart.

Let us first note that while Yeezys are sneakers of some cultural note, they are uproariously ugly and look like what would happen if you asked someone in the 80s to draw the shoes we'd wear to play basketball on the moon. They tried to play during the moon landing, but Aldrin bricked the first shot and the ball floated away shit I KNEW we should've sent Pete Maravich to the moon.

Moving on.

We awoke on Wednesday morning to another unexpected intersection of SEC Media Days and sneaker culture.

I have no real love for Air Force 1s, but I respect the cookies and cream look, Bert. Red and white would've been easy, and you zigged when we all thought you would zag. Woo zag sooie. I'll keep workshopping that.

This has us wondering what other college football coaches like to keep on their feet. Some of the answers we found might surprise you.

James Franklin, gray Nike Roshe Runs. Clean, simple, kind of look like slippers, not flashy enough to draw the ire of message board lunatics who think the team shouldn't wear facemasks.

Jim Harbaugh, navy and white Air Monarchs. Why wear something else when the shoe has already been perfected? Match with pleated khakis and set the sidelines off.

Charlie Strong, burnt orange and gray Nike Fingertrap Max Frees. I dare you to dislike this shoe, and double dog dare you to say it to Charlie's face.

Larry Fedora, Vibrams. The man is committed to physical fitness and is trying to get back to using a natural stride. Also, he just kind of looks like the kind of guy that wears Vibrams.

Paul Johnson, gray on gray Nike Air Max 95s. I know, I was surprised too! But they're big, stable, and won't betray your footing when you're trying to throw a punch.

Nick Saban, black and red Strengths. He's just working on his vertical leap why what're you getting at hater?

Kirk Ferentz, those Mephistos your Dad wore for walking around Berlin. They're dependable, just like the inside zone.