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F**KIN' WITH TEXAS

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THE TRUE REASON BEHIND EXPANSION NEWS COMES TO LIGHT

Last week, Oklahoma President David Boren re-opened the seemingly-finally-settled issue of conference realignment by suggesting that the now-ten-team Big XII would consider once again expanding to a name-appropriate 12 teams. The hopes of mid-major schools coast to coast perked up, but with healthy TV contracts in place and existential threats to the conference mitigated, what motivated this move?

For explanation, we turn to David Boren himself, live from karaoke night at an Oklahoma Applebee's:

[piano kicks in]

Put on my Big XII shoes

and I started a game

reopened the box of expansion news

and got everyone talkin' again

Connecticut and Cincy

you can look with hope to me

but I had a first-class trick planned

and it isn't what you think you see

I'm just fuckin' with Texas

fuckin' with those high-horse-ridin' steers

I'm not pickin' up Memphis

how could you seriously see them here

got the hopes of schools up, Floridas South and Central too

they'd fit here as poorly as West Virginia

but they think they're TCU

now surely you could not see us

picking up some mid-tier school

we've got a pretty little thing

money pouring in

and we don't have no Boise room

I'm just fuckin' with Texas

keepin' the Longhorns back on their heels

I'm not signin' up Memphis

none of this was ever real

now we'll put Bison on the table

we'll keep Huskies in the air

and BYU will be glad to join us

but they haven't got a praaaaaaaayer

(even though they blew out Texas)

sure the Cougars play like winners

better than Kansas ever would

and they think they'd do real well here

and they'll ask me if they could

just look at the numbers

and I told them I just might

they said, "tell me will be admitted?"

and I said, "nah we'll probably sit tight"


I'm just fuckin' with Texas

keepin' the Longhorns back on their heels

I'm not signin' up Memphis

none of this was ever real