These days, sports blogging requires writers to be light on their feet - quick to respond to breaking news and items that might interest fans at the breakneck pace of a round-the-clock internet cycle. Often, I'm writing my posts off-the-cuff during my lunch hour, in between bites of my
salad [catches self, freezes nervously] [consults Internet Sports Media Personality Style Guide] - bacon. I only eat bacon. I freaking love bacon, you guys. I fry up these posts hot and crisp like my favorite food, which is bacon.
[cups hand over mouth, feigns higher-pitched voice] but Scott your pieces always seem so well-written, clever and coherent, you're not spending weeks carefully preparing them? haha I know, right? It's a gift. But anyways, sometimes it's just not possible to be ready when #hot #sports #content is needed.
To that end, my wife is due to give birth to our first child any day now, and despite the foolish thoughts that have crept into the more-optimistic side of my brain lately - "I'll get a jogging stroller, this'll be a good chance to get back into running shape!" "I can catch up on those home-improvement projects when I take time off for the birth!" "I'm even adequately qualified to shape a human life!" the realistic, fatalistic, shaped-by-33-years-of-Cleveland-sports-fandom side knows damn well that I'm screwed and I'm going to be a catatonic, worthless mess for months if not longer.
You know what, though? I've been around the sports block enough. I've developed a feel for these things, I think I can fairly predict what's going to happen the rest of the offseason. Also, I'm pretty sure we don't have a fact-checker. I'm just gonna draft the rest of my posts now. No one'll know the difference!
WATCH THIS RUTGERS COMMIT MAKE A CRAZY CATCH IN PRACTICE
YOU CAN BUY THE ROBOT FROM "CHAPPIE" ON EBAY RIGHT NOW
CARDALE JONES AND TYVIS POWELL INTRODUCE NEW DANCE CRAZE
GARY PINKEL APOLOGIZES FOR HIS COMMENTS ON REUSABLE GROCERY BAGS
WATCH: WE TEST-DRIVE A SENSIBLE FAMILY SEDAN
MEET OUR NEWEST CORRESPONDENT, CHAPPIE
MICHIGAN ANNOUNCES APPAREL DEAL WITH TOYS 'R' US
WATCH PURDUE PETE ATTEMPT THE CARDALE DANCE
BUNNIES INVADE IOWA STATE PRACTICE (SLIDESHOW)
TOP RUTGERS COMMIT FLIPS TO PENN STATE
[POLL] ZIPPY THE AKRON KANGAROO: WOULD YOU?
WHERE ARE THEY NOW: JOHNNY MANZIEL
WHAT PURDUE PETE'S DEATH CAN TEACH US
WAIT, WHY ARE THE BUNNIES BACK AT IOWA STATE PRACTICE
YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHO THEY FOUND IN CHARLIE STRONG'S TRUNK
[OPEN THREAD] LET'S ALL TALK ABOUT WHAT KIND OF SOCKS WE LIKE
PENN STATE RECRUIT REVEALS DECISION WAS SWAYED BY FANS' TWEETS: "IT WAS COOL AND NOT WEIRD AT ALL"
MICHIGAN UNVEILS UNIFORMS FOR OHIO STATE GAME
(VIDEO) CHAPPIE PUNCHED BY BILL SNYDER AT BIG XII MEDIA DAY
PAUL RHOADS ANGRILY ADDRESSES MEDIA: "MISTER FLOPPERS UNDERSTANDS ME, WHY CAN'T YOU"
EDSBS INVESTIGATES: ARE MICHIGAN'S NEW UNIFORMS JUST HUSKY-SIZED CHILDRENS' HALLOWEEN COSTUMES
BILL SNYDER EXPLAINS: "IT'S NOT AN AGE THING, I JUST DIDN'T LIKE THE MOVIE"
EDITORIAL COMMENTARY: WE APOLOGIZE FOR SETTING PURDUE PETE'S DEATH TO "PONY"
RUTGERS TRUCK INTRODUCES 'DISS HOAGIE' DIRECTED AT DECOMMITTED PROSPECT
AL GOLDEN'S DRY-CLEANER SUES UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI
JIM HARBAUGH BREAKS SILENCE: "IF ANYONE GETS TO BE IRON MAN, IT SHOULD BE ME"
WE TRIED THE DISS HOAGIE AND HONESTLY, IT'S NOT BAD
REPORT: IRSAY OFFERS HARBAUGH FUNCTIONING IRON MAN SUIT