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THE MC ARRANGES A MEETING IN A FIELD

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WHERE MEN CAN TALK LIKE MEN.

Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

Jim Harbaugh, the occassionally-clothed, square-jawed captain of industry whose been sent from the past to save Michigan football, doesn't know who Paul Finebaum is. I suppose it's possible he's just messing with everyone, but he's so busy making people mad over very huge deals like recruiting satellite camps -- THEY'RE A BIG DEAL PLEASE LISTEN TO ME -- I'm not sure it would even occur to him to do so at this level.

From al.com:

A coach approaches, fixes his collar and tells (Harbaugh) he was the talk of the "Paul Finebaum Show" that day. Finebaum, whose show is nationally syndicated and televised on the SEC Network, discussed Harbaugh's appearance in Alabama with his legions of dedicated callers.

Harbaugh looks confused and shakes his head. He doesn't know who Paul Finebaum is.

The coach continues, "He's a radio show host."

Again, nothing from Harbaugh.

"He's a big deal down here in SEC country," another coach chimes in.

Harbaugh nods. He asks about what they discussed and quickly moves on to something else. If the most popular radio show host in SEC country is talking about him, he doesn't seem to care.

Whenever Harbaugh's name comes up now, I immediately wonder if he's screwing with us. The answer is generally yes, but I don't think he would bother to pull off such a low-level jape. So, naturally, we need to set up a meeting so Jim and Paul can get acquainted.

A phone meeting is out the window. Harbaugh needs to look people in the eye and bare his teeth, and if the other person can't maintain eye contact he just moves on. Now, we all know that Finebaum fears no man, so I think we can make this work.

The meeting would need to take place outside, also. Clear, fresh air is essential to maintaining a healthy constitution, which is why Harbaugh has his office set up outside in the middle of a field 20 minutes outside Ann Arbor. Does it make things a little more difficult than if he just used his office like a normal person? Yes, but Michigan didn't hire him to be a normal person, did they? No, they hired Harbaugh to be himself, which sometimes means sitting in a wildly expensive leather office chair in a driving rainstorm with absolutely no regard for JUST HOW EXPENSIVE THAT CHAIR WAS GOOD GOD JIM THE TAXPAYERS GAVE YOU THAT CHAIR WOULD YOU AT LEAST PUT UP A CANOPY.

Okay, so now that Jim and Paul are done baring their teeth and hissing at each other in a field like a couple barn cats, they can finally get down to the real business at hand, like:

"Coach, would you agree with the consensus that Michigan is scared of putting Alabama back on the schedule because they're tiny screaming babies?"

"Coach, how many dozens of life lessons would you say you've learned from Nick Saban?"

"Coach, this Urban Meyer really is a piece of work. That's not a question, but feel free to agree."

"Coach, on a scale of 1-10 and please answer in the 8-10 range, just how pathetic is the Big Ten?"

"Coach, would you say th--- [Harbaugh flies over desk to tackle Finebaum]

I think that was productive.