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WAKE FOREST WENT SHOPPING

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A NEW OUTFIT IS JUST THE THING TO HELP YOU NAIL THAT INTERVIEW

Jeremy Brevard-USA TODAY Sports

Wake Forest went 3-9 last year, hasn't been to a bowl since 2011, and was partially responsible for the dumbest game of the 2014 season. What has been missing for the Deacons? You guessed it: updated uniforms. Let's get a glimpse at the new look and see what the players think of them.

"Do you ever wonder if our planet is the decaying, abandoned garden of some long-departed species, who used Earth to achieve great beauty before moving on to other endeavors, leaving us as the galactic possums rooting through the garbage they left behind? Oh, the pants? They fit well, I guess. Breathable."

"Considering we spend between a fourth and a third of our lives sleeping, life expectancy numbers should be adjusted to only include waking hours. You're only really living to 57.3 years old if you're a man. 60.9 if you're a woman. Unless sleep is the best part of living, in which case the numbers are 19.1 and 20.3. Won't even make it to drinking age. Shit."

"The gloves are fun, though."

"There's no mathematical way to disprove the following: every time someone has told you they loved you, they were lying. Can I go put my regular clothes on now?"

"We are the only species that keeps records of our own failures."