SEC = SOUTHEASTERN COMMUNISM?

The SEC is handing out $435 million to its member institutions this year, a staggering amount of revenue that gives each school over thirty million dollars. Though some schools pocket more due to bowl appearances, that's still 95% of the money the conference took in from the SEC Network, televised football and basketball, and the conference championship game in football and tournament in basketball.

The terms of the SEC's revenue-sharing agreement force that money to be shared equally amongst the 14 schools -- but is that really the fairest way to divide it up? Inarguably, some schools do more than others to drive subscribers, viewers, and ticketholders. An even split may be easy, but it's not necessarily just.

You could, for instance, divide the money based on how many conference wins each school achieved in football this year. Think how much juicier that Florida-Vanderbilt game would have been under this system! (All values are in millions of dollars.)

Or you might think that the most valuable contribution a football team makes to the SEC is beating teams from other Power 5 conferences. In that case, the money gets paid out like this.

Maybe you want to focus on the conference as a media entity. If that's the case, you can apportion the funds based on how many weeks a team appeared in the AP Poll last season.

Or there's the sensible metric of "did you make us look dumb by getting beat by goddamned Indiana?"

The SEC built its reputation on defense, so why not let the payout reflect the degree to which your school is defending the end zone and, by extension, that very reputation?

Though, if we're being REALLY serious about results, this is the only statistic the SEC should recognize.