clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

HALLOWEEN FOOTBALL COSTUME TESTING BEGINS

New, 570 comments

WHICH ONES COULD YOU FEASIBLY PLAY A WHOLE GAME IN?

Halloween should be a time for horrors, so sure, CBS, let's keep Florida/Georgia on the holiday where we celebrate death, fear, and giving strangers candy as an alternative to them stealing everything in your house. We don't like watching football anyway. Pair it with something where we "have to take our kids out, or risk losing their love forever" and we have a legit excuse to start out at 3:30 p.m. with a wheelbarrow and not come back until the game is over. You say that's early? We say you're just late, and not willing to walk four hours in a costume with two young children crying the whole way just to avoid watching whatever atrocity inevitably happens in this game.

One question did arise from this news: What costumes could you conceivably coach/play in for the entire game? Which should be the rule, of course, for any game played on Halloween, but we're into testing these hypotheses first.

Teenage Mark Richt Ninja Turtle

It looks comfortable enough, and the R already stands for "Righteous in defeat, probably to Kentucky at a noon game."

Trevone BoykiND

TrevoneBoykiND

A simple costume allowing for plenty of dynamic physical movement. Would not impede the ability to play football, and would serve an additional purpose by actually getting people to pay attention to TCU's mindbending offense and its quarterback.

Bobby "Two-Face" Petrino

This isn't photoshopped.

Kyle Whittingham in a ghillie suit

(AD steps into woods)

Kyle, I just want to talk about a home and home with Texa-

(arrow flies into tree next to him)

Dana Holgorsen as "Your New Dad"

"Hey, Keith. Kevin. Whatever. Ken? K-DOGGGGG. K-Dog, Got you a crunchwrap and a biscuit taco. Hit 'em in the microwave for a minute and they'll be good as they were this morning when I left 'em in the car. I gotta check out this Mustang for sale down the street. Says it was in standing water for three months in Louisiana in 2005 but I got a good feeling about it. Thrones is on DVR so you can just watch that till I get home. If mom gets home first and catches you, tell her it's a kids' show because it's got dragons. Perfect for five year olds. L8r."

Robert Nkemergency

NkemdicheEmergency

Doesn't encumber movement, and makes a clear statement. That statement: please be warned, this is Robert Nkemdiche and he is clearly marked as a hazard, and you are now liable for any damage suffered at his hands.

Steve Spurrier as Sexy Stanford Tree

At last, two maverick spirits meet on All Hallows' Eve on the most erotic canvas imaginable.

Ezekiel Elliott as BB-8

ZekeBot

Kind of an unstoppable, ungrabbable hamster ball on the move. Basically no change from normal Ezekiel Elliott.

Oh god no Kirk Ferentz

KirkFerentz

["Untitled" starts playing]

BUYOUT'S TEN MIIIIILLLLLLL

[buyout's ten milll yeahhhhh]

BUYOUT'S TEN MIIIIIIILLLLLL

[say did kirk ever cross your miiiiiiiind baby]

BUYOUT'S TEN MIIIIIIILLLLLL

[contract says ten miiiiilll baby]

BUYOUT'S TEN MIIIIIIILLLLLL

[punts have been on myyyy miiiiind]

BUYOUT'S TEN MIIIIIIILLLLLLaaaayyyyeahhhyeaayyyyyy