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Our practices are more physical this year.

before they were strictly affairs of the spirit realm

We're hitting more than ever, which we're hoping will improve our physicality.

we re-examined the rules of football; apparently it involves tackling and we are working on this important element

This is different than last year...

last year we attempted to negotiate with runners with the ball; this approach failed, as they often did not realize we were having a conversation. they simply ran past us, or rudely collided with us and caused significant discomfort to our person

...when we as a football team may have lost our edge.

our edge is extremely important to good football; it is a multipurpose tool with screwdriver capability. our edge is not wi-fi equipped. our edge had a warranty and we let it lapse because it's hard to remember all the things you need to renew in a month. shit, we're not even sure if we have life insurance right now. our edge is not returning calls and may be selling shake weed to community college students for a living instead of using the trust fund they have to do what granddad wanted you to do with it all along: recapture the family's former glory by investing in a Panamanian transport concern. our edge has no idea what it is but coaches talk about it all the time and it seems to result in a lot of unsportsmanlike conduct penalties at the worst possible time. our edge does not have a linkedin account and never will and doesn't even know what linkedin is so stop sending those fucking emails

We've had very physical practices. And I think our players have learned to practice the right way.

players no longer wander off in the middle of practice or show up in aquasocks and formal wear to practice and that's a real improvement. they have also stopped showing up in ghost form which boy howdy that was some kinda deal. our players have stopped adopting thirty dogs at once and showing up to practice and saying pupppiiiiiiiies and just letting them loose on the field in the middle of drills. we're getting better and the lack of stray dogs is just one example of that improvement

p.s. the offseason is crap