What's that, Nick Saban?
You think "satellite camps" that B1G coaches are allowed to hold outside of B1G borders (but SEC coaches aren't) are "ridiculous"? Even though you know that if you could you'd hold a satellite camp in American Samoa and live out your lifelong dream of having an offensive line that averages 6'8 475?
Well Nick, friend, buddy, pal, chum - I hear you. And there's nothing I'd rather do than make this up to you.
That's right, Nick! We're getting the whole band back together, right here in beautiful Ann Arbor! It'll just be you, me, some of our old coaching friends, and dozens and dozens of the most heavily-touted recruits in the country! And since you're bound by SEC rules to avoid camps further than 50 miles from Tuscaloosa, you can even be a keynote speaker! In Ann Arbor! In Schembechler Hall! While I stand right next to you, smiling, smiling with pure, simple joy, the joy that comes from loving football and loving friends.
You'll come, won't you, Nick?
Bob Stitt will be there. He's not afraid of a little football chalk talk with some good pals.
And I'm certain that any number of giant five-star recruits you'd cover up a murder for will also be there.
I mean, you certainly don't "have" to come, Nick. I mean, I know it's June, and you'll be busy doing whatever it is you do in your large straw hat that makes you mildly resemble a scarecrow who knows his way around the medical redshirt system. I mean, sure, it would look just terrrrrrrible if you couldn't make it up for such a star-studded event, but I'd understand if it was just... not right for you.
But it sure would be so very, very nice to see you.
No, no, this ISN'T the troll god move of troll god moves! I don't even know what that means! Must be something people talk about when they're not pursuing their goals with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind.
So you'll be there. Good. Good to hear.
Looking forward to see you, Nick.
Sincerely yours in football,