THE MC ENTERS DAY 359 OF THE CRAB LEG ERA

THE EDSBS CHARITY BOWL is in day four and driving toward the goal of $30K for New American Pathways. Give here, and force us to brand our body in the name of charity.

DAY 359. That's where we stand in the new age of crab leg-based college football stories, since Our Lord and Savior Jimbo hath turned the loaves into armored pre-fishes, and hath given the media enough fodder to eat for nigh a year. Publix officially denies Winston's account of his having a "hook-up" at the store after the company mounted their own investigation. Note: A grocery store investigating anything is funny, but the notion of Publix having their own detectives and security is a freaking Kevin James script in the making. Go write that, and coin millions from the poor taste of the masses.

Now you, dear reader, are forced to choose between believing a college student with a history of flaky, impulsive decisions, or Publix Public Relations Spokessandwich Chicken Tender Sub.

As for our house, we trust Spokesperson Sub. Come at us, Wegman's Mob.

Updates for the charity drive follow:

THE TOTAL: A slow day, which Wednesday usually is, has us at $19,267 as of this morning. Michigan still leads by a substantial margin thanks to a prodigious shot of the Ann Arbor money cannon, with another Wolverine donor throwing down a grand out of nowhere. We're on pace, but the last few days will have to be furious in order to get the fine image of a wolverine on our flesh after meeting the goal of $30,000 in total donations.

HELLO TEXAS AND MINNESOTA. Big bumps from both schools in response to rival's donations, with a nice little tussle breaking out between Minnesota and Wisconsin in the afternoon.

FLORIDA AND ALABAMA ARE ONLY $40 APART. So in their honor, we stick our thumbs in the eye of a common foe currently huffing the sweet fumes of recent success.

Mmmm. It's a bit musty, but this bottle of old spite still holds up if you let it breathe for a minute.

The totals for all teams follow. Give here, here, here, and here. That's all the same place, but we wanted to get the point across: we're $11K short and driving, so find your dead rich relatives and steal their credit cards that haven't been shut off and give, give, give.