clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL HAS NEVER BEEN LATE

New, 984 comments

TIME MAY HAVE FAILED TO AGREE WITH THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL, HOWEVER

Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

Let's get one thing straight: Charlie Strong has never kicked anyone off the Texas football roster. Yes, some players elected to leave the program - by their own choice, mind you - because they were not on board with Strong's management approach. Yes, some players may have been helped along in the decision process by the possibility of being locked inside an empty silo with a highly caffeinated Strong, miles and miles from anyone who could hear their screams. But nobody got kicked off the team.

Nor has Charlie Strong ever burned down a warehouse for the insurance money. Fine, some warehouses proved they weren't up to his unique flame-based offseason training program. But that's a failure of the warehouse to demonstrate structural integrity. Those warehouses were given the opportunity to prove they could stand up to a few gallons of kerosene, some fireworks, and faulty wiring. And they failed.

And those rumors you heard about Charlie Strong cutting the brake lines of that guy who parked over the line and took up two spaces. Entirely false! Again, Charlie Strong doesn't cut anything. If the brake lines decided that they didn't want to be part of an overall vehicle safety team, you should ask them about it. Those brake lines are welcome to transfer to Miami, and Charlie Strong wishes them all the success in the world.

Charlie Strong continues to have no comment as to who punched through that flatscreen in the coaches lounge.