MUSICAL WEEK: AMERICAN

Musical Week at EDSBS doesn't come from a part of the brain that makes good choices. Does that mean we're fucking with Sondheim?

Yeah, we're fucking with Sondheim.

BOB DIACO: Big East Conference
My heart's devotion
I don't regret its demotion

Always the Hurricanes cheating
Rarely was Rutgers competing
And success was fleeting
And Syracuse flying
And TCU lying
I'm glad the Big East got flattened
Smoke on your pipe and put that in

CHORUS 1 (DIACO, MATT RHULE, RUFFIN MCNEILL): Life is great in the American
All lightweights in the American
No 4-8 in American

TUBERVILLE: Mmm, USF's in the American

DIACO: Our schedule's smoother than champagne

TUBERVILLE: You scored three points against Tulane

RHULE: I'll be a legend at this school

TOM HERMAN: I'll leave in three years if that's cool

DIACO: Stress is low in the American

MCNEILL: No Dabo in the American

RHULE: Room to grow in the American

CHORUS 2 (TUBERVILLE, HERMAN, GEORGE O'LEARY): TV won't show the American

DIACO: The fans are nice and we're paid, too

TUBERVILLE: Petrino makes double what you do

DIACO: We play marquee teams in our bowls

TUBERVILLE: But Legion Field's a shithole

CHORUS 1: We'll succeed in the American

CHORUS 2: Playoff won't seed the American

CHORUS 1: No more greed in the American

CHORUS 2: Nobody needs the American

(dancing)

DIACO: Here we are free and we have pride

TUBERVILLE: I've seen O'Leary poop outside

DIACO: Free to schedule the teams we choose

TUBERVILLE: Except Florida, cause they might lose

There's no joy in the American
Let's just destroy the American
This sport's whipping boy's the American

DIACO: Frank Beamer lost to the American!

(more dancing)

TUBERVILLE: I think I'll coach in the Big Ten

DIACO: Have fun succeeding Tim Beckman - bye bye!

TUBERVILLE: We'll get to the Rose Bowl by year three!

DIACO: Ron Zook pulled that off, it's easy

(even more dancing)